} You have inadvertently stumbled over one of the greatest secrets of all
} time. Many people have long suspected that there is some sort of
} conspiracy controlling the media, and this is indeed the case.
} However, it is not the communists or the moonies or Intel that is doing
} the controlling, as is usually suspected, but rather Julius Caesar.
} Yes, the Roman emperor.
} Back then, as you probably know, the emperor was considered practically
} a god, and as such was expected to live forever. Human belief is a
} powerful thing, and occasionally if enough people believe something it
} does become true. Hence Julius became one of mankind's few immortals.
} However, the catch is that he would continue to live only so long as
} people knew about him, and the best way to keep someone in the public
} eye is through careful manipulation of the media.
} Even in his own time he was aware of the power of images to manipulate
} belief. In fact his famous quote 'Vini, vidi, vici' (I came, I saw, I
} conquered) was in fact 'Vini, vidi, video' (I came, I saw, I made a
} He ensured he would be talked about for ages to come by staging a
} particularly interesting murder for himself (pretending to be dead also
} gave him more time to work on his plans). Centuries later he got
} Shakespeare to write a play about him, and the revised interest in his
} life gave him a new burst of energy. He also had a salad named for him
} about the same time, ensuring that diners for centuries to come would
} have him in mind as they ate.
} Ever since then he has been more subtle, but the availability of mass
} media now means he can reach millions of people almost instantly.
} Consider the popularity of "Animal House" and it's famous toga party.
} In one brilliant move Caesar had uncounted frat boys thinking Roman.
} And today he almost completely runs the fox network, as can be seen by
} the fact that the letters in "Charlie Hoover" and "The Simpsons" can be
} rearranged to spell "Caesar is honor. Limp. Shov." This apparently
} cryptic message means that Caesar, who considers himself the source of
} all honor, is feeling weak and limp because people are not thinking
} about him often enough. Therefore, the media must shove his image down
} our throats with increased effort.
} Despite Caesar's multi-billion dollar media empire he never quite
} grasped modern mathematics, hence his insistence that all movies and TV
} shows be stamped with numbers he could understand.
} You owe the Oracle all thirteen episodes of "I, Claudius."