} While normally, I would consider this both a simplistic and juvenile
} question, I have, in fact, in all my knowledge and mental prowess,
} performed precisely this experiment. The paper to the New England
} Journal of Medicine appeared as follows:
} THEORY: Upon lesion of the head, members of the human species will
} reduce their activity, their behaviour become both uninspired and
} inattentive towards their surroundings, and their learning and
} cognitive abilities will quickly diminish.
} METHOD: Using the random populations from sixteen towns and cities on
} three continents and in thirteen nations, I will analyze the bahavior
} of human subjects before and after lesioning the head. A total of
} seventthree subjects will be analyzed, with thier age, race, gender and
} other characteristics being completely random.
} RESULTS: Almost the entire population of 73 subjects responded to the
} lesioning of the head in the same manner. They immediately fell limp,
} their muscles went flacid, and they became absolutely unresponsive
} to any stimuli. A total of three subjects did not respond in this
} manner. I will discuss these subjects in detail.
} The first was a cheiftan from a pigmy tribe in Papua, New Guinea.
} Upon research into his history, it was discovered that the tribe
} constrained their leaders to be dead, and they must remain within
} the confines of the royal castle. The cheiftan was removed from his
} throne - at great risk to this scientist - for the purposes of adding
} depth to the experiment. After studying both his behaviour before
} lesioning the head, as well as the practices of the tribe, it was
} determined that the leader had already been dead.
} The second was a student at Ohio State University. Upon lesioning
} of his head, the student's body continued to wander aimlessly about,
} infrequently seating itself at a desk and appearing to be trying to
} write something down. When a pencil was placed in the body's hand,
} the writings produced were completely unintelligible, consistent with
} his performance before the lesioning. His head, on the other hand,
} simply stared straight forward for a long period of time, before the
} mouth began to form a word. A lip reader was consulted, and the
} word mouthed by the subject was either "Beer" or "Bogus"; it could
} not be determined exactly which of these words was said.
} The last subject was a mystery. The sex of could not be determined,
} and except for the fact that it spoke and wrote English, it could
} not be fully determined if the subject was human. Post mortem autopsy
} revealed little in the way of sex, but the remainder of the organs
} were consistent with that of a human anatomy.
} This subject, by far, was the most interesting of the "special
} response" group. Upon lesioning the head, the subject leapt to its
} feet, grabbed its head, pulled at the hair, and attempted to be stuffing
} the clump of hair into its removed head. While this behaviour pattern
} could not be explained, it continued for several seconds. Finally, the
} body fell limp, and the head turned to me and mouthed several words.
} Then, the eyes closed, and the head exhibited all of the behavioural
} patterns consistent with that of the other subjects of the experiment.
} The lip reader was consulted again, and reviewed videotapes of the
} session for several hours. She was able to determine that the sentence
} mouthed by the head was either "See? I bet that nobody else knew to try
} that!", or "What? Why is the chicken locked on Pluto?" General
} consensus amongst the team of analysts was that the latter statement was
} mouthed, due to both its profundity and the probability of loss of
} coherent thought after removal of the head.