} Why, I was hoping you'd ask that question...
} It would appear that you have fallen victim to an event that we in the
} upper reaches of the intellect like to refer to as a
} non-beneficial-commooccurence (NBCO). This would account for the
} question you ask. It is less likely that you have fallen prey to a
} NBUO (non-beneficial-uncommooccurence). If that were the case, you
} would probably be searching for real help instead of filing a minor
} complaint with an agency that you know damn well couldn't care less.
} Of course, it is entirely plausible that you yourself are a NBCA (non-
} beneficial-common-annoyance), and are just asking this question to be
} But in the interest of sincerity, sensitivity, and fostering a false
} but good reputation, I will assume that you are a victim of either a
} NBCO or a NBUO. So I will answer your question without further delay.
} Life is a series of encounters with people, each of which can be
} classified in this way:
} Each person is either +, -, or neutral in each of the following
} [W]illingness to depend on other people,
} [N]eed to depend on other people,
} [P]hysical attractiveness,
} [I]nternal perception of physical attractiveness,
} [M]eta-awareness of every aspect of life experience.
} Each person is also either mf (male preferring females), fm
} (female preferring males), mm (male homosexual), etc.
} So, I would be classified as -W-N+P+I+Mmf. A plain looking girl who
} was very trusting but kind of ditzy might be classified as +WNP-I-Mfm.
} An extremely ugly egotistic sexually active bisexual male rugged
} individualist who is into group sex and bestiality might be classified
} (s=sheep, d=dog, etc...
} *=whatever happens to walk by under it's own
} Most other aspects of personality can be deduced from knowing these
} simple basic facts about a person.
} Now, of course, you don't just meet people. You are also subjected to
} RSE's (random stupid events) which are either beneficial, harmful, or
} just plain stupid.
} Now: Your goal is to avoid the Harmful RSE's, laugh at the stupid
} RSE's, eat up the beneficial RSE's, all while attempting to become
} WN+PI+M?? and meeting only other WN+PI+M??'s.
} And during all this, you must meet one WN++++PI+M?? of the appropriate
} sexual type and orientation, and you must change to a +W for this
} person. And own a BMW before you're 30.
} So, why is life unfair? Because to become a WN+PI+M?? you must first
} admit to yourself that at the moment you're probably just a
} -W+N-P+I-M?? or not much better. Also, BMW's can be well over $50,000.
} And the number of +M's who have that many +'s before their P and are
} actually of the correct sexual type and orientation is, well, zero.
} But cheer up anyway.
} You owe the Oracle an empty question queue.