} Ah, you are a fine groveller! I miss good grovellers like you.
} I remember when everyone grovelled this well. But, now, I'm lucky if
} people even do a half-assed job of grovelling. It's enough to make an
} Oracle get mad and <ZOT> a few thousand worthless humans! . . . Ahem,
} but back to your question.
} You are afflicted with a serious condition, indeed. It's a shame
} that such a fine groveller as yourself has this debilitating handicap.
} Your condition is what is known as "sappeous grandeous", or more
} commonly refered to as "being too damn nice". This illness, which is
} fairly rare in humans, almost inevitably ruins the life of the victim.
} See, the normal human is an immoral, conceited, self-serving, uncaring
} bastard, who would do just about anything to get ahead, and who is
} always willing to take advantage of some poor person afflicted with
} "sappeous grandeous". Those with illnesses like yourself, lack certain
} key chemicals in your DNA which makes normal humans the way that they
} are. Consequently, this disease is hereditary, and you inherited it
} from one or both of your parents. Most people affected by this tragic
} illness lead horid lives, and die miserable. However, I am happy to
} tell you that there IS a cure! It is not known to many humans, and I'm
} only sharing it with you, because you're such a fine groveller. You
} will need to become a lawyer. That's right, a LAWYER. I realize that
} it's a disgusting thought, but it's the only alternative. See, lawyers
} are the perfect example of the ultimate normal human. If you can
} defend sickos, psychos, murderers, rapists, druggies, and other
} assorted human vermin, then you will soon overcome your sickness of
} "being too damn nice". It's a harsh treatment, I know, but
} unfortunately, it's the only treatment which works. The treatment has
} a 99.9584% success rate (believe it or not, there actually ARE a few
} lawyers out there who AREN'T uncaring bastards; but, don't worry, they
} are VERY rare). So, my advice to you, my humble supplicant, is go to
} law school now, and become a lawyer. This is the only way to become a
} normal human once again. Good luck!
} You owe the Oracle one good reason for wanting to BE a normal human.