} Well, Bobby, you've asked the question that men have been asking
} themselves for millions of years. And do you know something? Not a
} single one of 'em has come up with the right answer yet -- because not
} one of 'em thought to come and ask me what to do.
} Obviously, you DON'T have to give your allowance up for anybody; why,
} it's perfectly easy to be nice to a girl, keep your money, and be macho
} all at the same time! So, here are some ideas for dealing with Jimmy's
} 1) Tell her that you need to spend time hanging out with the
} boys. If she loves you, she'll understand, and she won't mind
} a bit waiting out behind the schoolhouse for hours and hours
} until you come back.
} 2) Let her do things for you -- carry your books, for example.
} Remember that Encyclopedia Brittanica your parents bought you
} last year? Let her haul those things around the blocks a few
} 3) Give her little presents that are tokens of your esteem. You
} don't have to spend money to find appropriate gifts; worms are
} cheap; so are slugs, grubs, dead fish and bird droppings.
} She'll treasure them for a lifetime.
} 4) A boot to the head is always nice..
} "Hi, Orrie! Whatcha doing?"
} "Uh, nothing, Lisa, just answering a few supplicants' questions..."
} "'slugs, grubs, dead fish and BIRD DROPPINGS'?!? ORRIE!!! I THOUGHT
} THAT WAS GOING TO BE OUR LITTLE SECRET!!!"
} "Aw, come on, Lisa... I'll edit it out in a minute. In the mean time,
} look! Here's a dead eel..."
} "Ohhhh, ORRIE! Can I play with it?"
} You owe the Oracle the meat truck from "The Cook, The Thief, His Wife,
} and Her Lover".