} Child. Come and listen. Come and learn. Verily I say unto thou:
} For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The cosmos,
} shall we say, is in a state of perfect harmony. Now I don't mean to
} say that your little life is in a state of perfect harmony, but the
} big picture, viewed by one (ahem) who is capable of viewing the big
} picture, is in harmony.
} I'm going to let you in on a secret (cross your heart and promise not
} to tell): for one seeking the answer to harmony in the universe, go
} not the path well-trodden, the path of protons, ions, muons, Grand
} Unification, Cosmic strings, etc, etc. Why not choose the other path?
} Yes - stray socks.
} Therefore, what you are asking then, is, For what price is harmony?
} For what price is equilibrium in the Universe? How much should I
} charge to screw up the BIG EVERYTHING? Frankly, I'm aghast. You ask
} me to be an accomplice to the rape of mankind. I am aghast, but on the
} other hand, one should not be too quick to judge. Every idea, no
} matter how bad, has some merit. Maybe we can deal? Hmmmmm.
} Ok. Here's the bottom line. I'll tell you the fair price for the sock
} stash. But I'll also tell you the ramifications for screwing with the
} harmony of the universe. If the price justifies the burden on your
} soul, I say go for it. If, on the other hand, it does not, well then
} forget you even thought of it.
} Men will get a period once a month, but women will have to shave. Dogs
} will understand what you say to them and will be able to talk back
} (they don't like liver either). Noses WILL grow when someone is
} telling a lie, or even a slight falsehood. Children will live with
} their parents until the age of 35, at which time they will be able to
} get a driver's license and vote. People will constantly be in a state
} of drunken stupor, and will sober up ONLY by consuming alcohol.
} Youngsters will not be allowed to nap, but people with jobs will get a
} mat with cookies and milk every day at 2:00 PM and will get to sleep
} for 1 hour. Basketball rims will be set at 18 feet, and football
} fields at 300 yards. Virtual time will be installed, that is the hour
} between 9:00 and 10:00 AM will only take 5 minutes of real time, but
} the hour from 8:00 to 9:00 PM will take 1 hour and 55 minutes. And
} finally, there will be no Geraldo or Oprah or anyone else that that has
} been on the cover of a supermarket tabloid.
} There you have it. Not all good, not all bad.
} The sock stash is worth about $400.00 (US). It would be worth less,
} but fortunately they've all been laundered.
} So harmony of the universe is in your hands. Do with it what you will.
} In any event, you owe the Oracle a black and yellow argyle (size 9-11),
} and a white tube sock with red stripes.