419-06 (459a3 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: firstname.lastname@example.org (Harold the Foot)
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> The year 2200. Two men clad in jerseys appear from out of nothing
> in front of a big temple, somewhere in a desert on a distant planet.
> They look suspiciously around, then enter the temple.
> From inside it is even bigger than it appeared from outside.
> James T. Kirk: "My god - it is full of stars!"
> Mr. Spock: "That's an old pun. Can't you think of something new?"
> James T. Kirk: "Eh, yes. Nothing much going on here on Usenet IV, isn't
> Mr. Spock: "Look over there, in the giant throne in front of the big
> marble workstation - a skeleton!"
> James T. Kirk: "Uh, oh - I know *that* kind of scene! I've watched
> Mr. Spock: "Completely irrelevant emotions!"
> James T. Kirk: "Shall I pull your ears again?!"
> Mr. Spock: "No - please not! I couldn't bear it the last time - and you
> completely damaged their shape!"
> (Spock pulls his phaser and wipes Kirk out. He then pulls his scanner
> and points it towards the skeleton in front of the workstation.)
> Spock (into his communicator): "Beamie, scott me up! There's no
> intelligent life down here!"
> (He takes another look at the throne and notices some documents printed
> on thin plastic sheets.)
> Spock (taking one up): "'Oh wise and mighty Oracle...', 'Oh Oracle,
> whose shoelaces I'm unworthy to strangulate
> myself with...', 'Orrie! Come home for
> breakfast! Lisa.' - - - Hm. I guess the
> poor dude must have died of tiresome
> (He takes a glance at the skeleton, not sure, whether or not it has
> just moved. But it's only the wind blowing through the large, empty
> hall. He vanishes as he has come, when Scottie activates the transit
> beam. Three hundred years the temple remains in silence, when equally
> out of a sudden who should appear but Oliver Stoned, beginning with the
> preparations for his new film 'JTK', the sequel of 'Crying with the
} "Just The Kinzler," directed by Oliver Stoned. The true story of the
} Oracle's demise. No, it wasn't the result of overpropagation, fomented
} by the new newsgroup rec.humor.oracle. So claimed the Weary
} Commission. The "single-bullet" theory claimed that the single
} newsgroup vote created two new groups, rec.humor.oracle and
} rec.humor.oracle.d. The commission blamed happenstance for the
} Oracle's death. Overpropagation caused by the two groups led to too
} many unfunny Incarnations, who preferred grovelling to clever answers.
} Stoned, based on theories by Jim Arrogant, rejected this hypothesis.
} Everyone knows that one vote can't create two groups; it's against the
} Guidelines for New Newsgroup Creation (tm). No, the Oracle's
} assassination was due to a conspiracy. High Priest Steve Kinzler, in
} collaboration with the Internet Task Force, UUNET, and the CIA, worked
} to destroy the Oracle for their own advantage. The Internet and UUNET
} were involved because they wished to stem the flow of Oracular traffic.
} Kinzler simply wanted the Oracle's job. No one knows why the CIA
} helped; Arrogant speculates that it was to give them something to do
} now that the Cold War was over.
} Stoned also reveals that Kinzler was worried that the Oracle would
} bring American forces home from Vietnam. Stoned struggles to explain
} why this is significant, as the Vietnam War had ended nearly 20 years
} Stoned's suggestions were radical, but the truth needs be told. Usenet
} will not be the same after the revelations of JTK, the blockbuster