} The Hourly Ingergalactic Enquirer :
} Everything you ever wanted to know, but didn't know who to ask.
} March 23, 1992 US $0.25
} France 1 Franc
} Pluto 3 bark
} GLORX 17 nib
}
} REBEL ATTACK ON SPAXTI ELVIS' NEW ALBUM REACHES
} Spaxti(ap) - Rebel forces overtook 100,000,000 IN SALES
} the capital city today in a surprise NIMPH(upi) - Elvis' new
} attack on the Ibtar regime, which album, "Blue Centauri,"
} had ruled benevolently for 3 milenia. broke all galactic sales
} Press reports released by the newly records when it topped 100
} installed government stated that the million, beating the next
} reason for the attack was that they best seller, "Liq Agvir
} were "Bored out of [our] skulls, we Woman" from Jim Morrison.
} had to do something." Immediately, Elvis was quoted as saying,
} a new law requiring mime-like white "The best move of my career
} paint on the faces of all government was dumping those stupid
} employees was passed, and all Earth people. My thanks go
} See "Boredom" p 3 See "Stupid" p150
}
} DONALD DUCK DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT
} ToonTown, Earth(wire) - Donald Duck, famed actor and star of many
} blockbuster films on Earth and elsewhere, was found dead today,
} apparently crushed to death by his newest lover, Hillary Hipo, whose
} biggest role was balerina in the "Dance of the Hours" section of
} Fantasia. The autopsy report stated "There wasn't much left. He
} was as flat as a pancake." The IE has it on good information,
} though that, being just ink and paper, he already WAS as flat as a
} pancake. Our investigative reporting teams have uncovered a feindish
} plot by Warner Brothers to corner the market on stupid, uninteligible
} animals by executing Donald Duck, Chip and Dale, and Goofy. With
} these four out of the way, nothing would stand in the way of Warner,
} INC, brainwashing the populace with Wyle E. Cyote and Woody Woodpecker
} cartoons. A leaked memo from the president of Warner to a marketing
} cronie stated, "Think of it, the whole world will be saying ''What's
} up doc?''." When contacted about the memo, the president was quoted
} as saying, "Live in the NOW, man. Like, who would ever listen to a
} cyote that straps rocket skates to his butt and lights them?"
} Related stories p 35682
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