} Dong, ding, dong... [Insert snazzy overdone graphics here]
} [Voice over] "From the NBC tower in downtown Chicago, It's the
} channel 6 News, with Carol Gonzales and Ron Jacobson,
} THE Ten O'clock news."
} "Good evening, I'm Carol Gonzales. In our top story, alleged
} organized crime kingpin Bruno "No Nose" DiCarlo has broken into Cook
} County Jail and locked himself into a cell in the maximum security
} wing. Walter Curtis is at District 18 police headquarters, which is
} unfortunate since nothing of importance is occurring there. Instead,
} we have the following statement from the District Attorney, recorded
} [Roll tape]
} "Mr. DeCarlo has decided to turn himself in. From information he has
} provided, we have located Cocaine and Heroin with an estimated street
} value of $960 million dollars, approximately 10,000 automatic
} weapons, a multistage nuclear device, and a vault containing film and
} tape of criminal operations going back more than 20 years. When I
} mentioned that this evidence will put him and every member of his
} organization in prison until the late 23rd century, he replied 'Some
} things are worse than a natural life sentence.'"
} [End tape]
} "In a related story, the charred remains of DiCarlo's enforcers,
} Vinnie "The Hangnail" Esposito and Guido "Little Elvis" Tercotti,
} were discovered at Navy Pier. Roberta Marin is at the scene:"
} "Carol, I have with me Whitley Streiber, noted para-believable
} researcher and author. Mr. Streiber, what did you see?
} "Well, I was setting up my telescope at the end of the pier when four
} figures appeared a short distance away. I couldn't make out most of
} the conversation, but one of them said "I've gotcha capo di tutti
} capi right here", there was a huge flash of light, and I blacked out.
} When I awoke all I could find were burnt bits and gold fillings."
} "This is Roberta Marin, reporting from Navy Pier. Back to you Carol."
} "Police have released a composite sketch of the two suspects based on
} Mr. Streiber's account [inset sketch of two silver suited figures
} with bulbous heads and large black eyes. One of them is built like a
} brick spaceport]. Persons with information concerning [looks at
} monitor]... Er, never mind. The weather and sports are next."
} Note to Querent and reviewer (cut this): I apologize for the heavy dose
} of Chicago content, but this incarnation happens to live there, and
} the content fits most people's mistaken opinions of my city. Reporter's
} names were scrambled as a cheap inside joke.