> [strains of music fill the air as the game show set is lit up]
> Alex: And welcome back to this special showdown version of Jeopardy.
> Let's meet our contestants. First we have this man, who wants to
> be known only as Supplicant, why don't you tell us a little bit
> about yourself?
> [ The supplicant shifts nervously, and pushes his long stringy hair
> back from his eyes. He is wearing a green and blue striped
> short-sleeve shirt, and tan corduoroys which don't quite cover his
> ankles. His white socks are clearly visible above his brown wallabees
> with the crepe soles. ]
> Suppliant: Oh wise and mighty Trebek, whose smegma I am not worthy
> Alex: Fascinating. Our next contestant is none other than the almighty
> Usenet Oracle! Oracle, glad to have you with us. So what do you
> do for a living?
> [ The Oracle stands splendidly behind the podium. His carefully coiffed
> hair curls around his face, long sideburns descend to his chinline.
> He is wearing a toga open to the navel. Golden chains dangle through
> his chest hairs, attached to various nickel plated medallions which
> rest on his paunch belly, which rides over his tighly pulled belt.
> Underneath his thong sandles he is wearing black dress socks. ]
> Oracle: I refuse to answer that question on account of the fact that
> you did not grovel, Alex. Be glad I don't zot you.
> A: Fascinating. Now let's get on with our next round, Oracle pick
> a topic.
> O: I'll take Greek Deities for 500.
> A: And the answer is: Poseiden.
> O: That's the god of the seas.
> A: Sorry Oracle, once again I will point out to you that you must
> phrase your answer in the form of a question. Supplicant?
> S: Who is the god of the seas?
> A: That's correct supplicant, the board goes to you.
> O: Why the hell should I have to phrase my answer in the form of a
> question? I'm the Usenet Oracle dammit! I know all the answers, and
> I don't even need those 3x5 cards you have. Why should I ask a
> question if I already know the answer?
> A: I'm sorry Oracle, you can take this up with the judges after the
> show if you want, but in the mean time I'm going to have to ask you
> to calm down or I'll have security remove you.
> S: I'll take Alt.* for 200 Alex.
> A: And the answer is: 42
> O: What is the meaning of life?
> A: No I'm sorry Oracle, you are questioning the wrong answer.
> S: What is the most number of groups that a flame has been cross-posted
> A: Correct Supplicant. The score is now Supplicant 13,000, Oracle
> -27,000. We move now to final Jeopardy. Our final answer is...
> [ Just then a woman runs onto the set, she is wearing tight leopardskin
> spandex pants which cut into her pot belly. Her breasts bounce
> madly in her tube top and threaten to pop out. She is also wearing
> way too much makeup, although her lipstick does match her open toed
> sandals with the 6 inch heels. She throws her arms around the Oracle.
> Lisa: Oh Orrie, I just wanted to say how sorry I am about last night. I
> scrubbed and scrubbed and you can hardly see the stains anymore.
> I also replaced the blender with a new one, if you want to try
> [ The Oracle pushes her away. ]
> O: Not now babe, I've got a supplicant to wipe the floor with.
> [ Lisa is dragged away, kicking and screaming, by three security
> guards. ]
> A: Now our final answer: Kinzler, the Priesthood and Lisa.
> [ Inane music fills the background for a few moments, while the
> Oracle's face darkens. ]
> A: OK let's see our questions here. Oracle your question was "That
> slimy bastard, I'll kill him!" sorry Oracle, once again you forgot
> to phrase your answer in the form of a question. Now let's see our
> supplicants question: "What is the answer to the correct question?"
> Let's go to the judges for ruling on that...yes they say they will
> allow it, the intended question was "Who was creating that ruckus in
> the blue van at the Star Drive-in last Friday night?" We have a
> winner supplicant!
> [ Supplicant wipes his hand off on his pants and reaches over to shake
> the Oracle's hand. The Oracle <ZOT>s him, causing his crepe soles to
> melt to the floor and then goes after Trebek. ]
> O: Trebek you pompous twit I'm gonna see to it that you don't read
> a flash card for the rest of your life, which won't be for long!
> [ Set fades to black, with the Oracle pounding a podium on the
> skull of the prostate game show host. ]