} Fooled you, didn't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it all
} before. "God is dead--Nietzsche" followed by the usual rejoinder
} "Nietzsche is dead--God." You believe everything you read? What
} are you, some kind of dummy?
} Of COURSE the Oracle's not dead. But don't tell that to Louie
} "Bananas" Molinaro and the boys up in Atlantic City. You see,
} it's like this...
} ...I was feeling kinda good at the tables one night. Kinda
} loose. Kinda lucky. Next thing I know I'm rolling high, buying
} up the little guys and winning on every number. I'm coverin' the
} angles, takin' care of business. The casino owner gets
} suspicious, know what I mean? Yeah. He tries sending over one
} of his monkey-suit floor bosses to offer me drinks on the house,
} and a fine meal. I says "no deal," 'cause I'm rolling lucky.
} Got Lisa at my side, blowin' on the dice to make 'em win. Yeah,
} life is sweet. SWEET.
} Next thing I know, the casino says there's a call for Lisa on the
} house phone, and as soon as she steps away from the tables, the
} most beautiful dame I ever laid eyes on steps outa the crowd and
} slides a knowing hand down the fronta my trousers. Holy me! I
} nearly dropped my dice, but Ralph stood to attention, if you get
} my drift. I wasn't born yesterday, though. In fact, I wasn't
} born last MILLENIUM. This broad's workin' for the casino, and
} they paid her to drag me away from the tables for a little
} upstairs action, if you get what I'm sayin' to ya.
} So I says "Blow, babe," and she winks at me and purses her lips
} into a soft little "O." Oh-oh. Lisa comes back to the table,
} and nearly decks miss fancy-pants right there on the floor.
} There's a scene. Lisa gets a swing in before I can pull her
} away, and the broad pulls out a gun. It gets real quiet in the
} place, let me tell ya. So I says "Hold on, hot lips, we're
} leavin'. Just put away the piece and we'll walk away nice and
} quiet like." Just then a meaty paw clamps down on my shoulder,
} and a voice says "Not so fast."
} It's Louie "Bananas" Molinaro, the most notorious mobster alive.
} He makes John Gotti look like Alan Alda. This clown is so well
} connected, if you get on his wrong side you can't go to witness
} protection--heck, you can't remain on this PLANET if Louie
} Bananas has your number. I gulped. I smiled. And like a fool,
} I lost my temper and turned him into a nun. Just then Lisa
} screamed "RUN!" and I turned around and saw about twenty of his
} goons comin' at me carryin' every weapon imaginable. Submachine
} guns. Automatic weapons. It was a military arms build up right
} there in the Sands Hotel.
} We ran, and we vanished, but we made off with the money. All of
} it. Not that the Oracle NEEDS money, but I didn't want to give
} it back. It was the principle of the thing, an' I got
} principles, let me tell ya. We knew we was marked, though, and
} that we could never go back to Atlantic City to gamble again
} unless the syndicate thought I was iced. Laid out. Rigor
} mortissimo on a slab with a toe tag and a bad makeup job. So we
} faked it. It was kinda fun. Lisa sobbin' and cryin' and
} carryin' on, and both of us laughing behind our hands at the
} great insurance settlement we're gonna get.
} So don't believe everything you read in the papers. And if you
} see Louie Bananas in the convent, ask him how many Hail Marys HE
} had to say. . .
} You owe the Oracle a dozen Our Fathers, two dozen Hail Mary's,
} and a more believable New Joisey accent.