} No. It's a pity, I know, but not only wouldn't it be fair to
} the other candidates to run against an opponent who was omniscient,
} omnipotent, and omnimalevolent, but the country just isn't ready for
} The election would be unfair:
} CHICAGO: In a voter turnout unprecedented since the mayoral
} elections, thousands of people, previously nonexistent, materialized at
} voting booths with valid registration cards. In an unprecedented
} turnout which consisted of more people than live in the state of
} Illinois, these previously nonexistent consitutents appeared, voted
} for the Oracle for president, and disappeared once again.
} The Oracle declined comment, merely saying that "I knew my
} P.R. was good."
} Imagine how the HUD would feel:
} WASHINGTON, DC: Simultaneous flashes of light were seen over
} inner cities everywhere today at the stroke of noon. Once the smoke
} cleared, it soon became apparent that all of the inner-city slums were
} repaired, cleaned, and new buildings were created to house the
} homeless on the street.
} President Oracle today took credit for this "lightning-stroke"
} reform. Republicans were heard to grumble "You can't solve a problem
} just by throwing miracles at it." Meanwhile, at universities across
} the country, economics professors fled to the sea like lemmings...
} Imagine how the VP would feel:
} NEW YORK CITY: Vice President Smith visited for the St. Patrick's Day
} parade today, smiling and waving at the children. When Smith was asked
} whether he felt inadequate since the President was off creating
} an alternate universe into which he could move the Palestinians from
} the West Bank, his only reply was a deftly extended finger.
} See what I mean? Most of my immortal friends wouldn't touch this one
} with a ten-foot Gorgon, either, and to tell the truth, I don't think
} it would be that great. I mean, since I'm omniscient and all, the
} presidential debates and press conferences would just be boring. So
} again, thanks for the offer and all, but no thanks.
} You owe me a thousand points of light.