} Welcome to "What's all this talk about blowvalves??" Here's you host,
} the Usenet Oracle!
} O: Hello audience. On today's show, we'll have Crispin Glover do a
} performance piece on how he feels about blowvalves, Paula Abdul singing
} her new hit dance single about blowvalves, and Douglas Adams talking
} about his new book, "Blowvalve Mutants of East Essex", a new book in
} the Hitchhiker's series. Ladies and gentlemen, Crispin Glover!
} C: I saw a lovely blowvalve. It was round and wide. I tried to step
} over it, but I could not. A blonde came by, and she nimbly hurdled
} over the blowvalve. I could not. I was stuck, and could not get to
} the dentist without crossing the blowvalve. I began to think. I
} suddenly remembered a rainy day when I was in the 3rd grade. The
} teacher was lecturing us on blowvalves. I started squashing my hands
} up against my eyelids, and saw all sorts of pretty colors. I really
} wish I had paid attention to my teacher back then. Maybe I'd be able
} to cross the blowvalve. But I hadn't. So I turned away from the
} blowvalve and went back home. My tooth fell out, and I put it in a
} O: Thank you Crispin! That was unintelligible as usual. Now, sexy,
} dippy pop star Paula Abdul will sing her new song, "Forever your
} [music starts]
} P: Ooh baby baby
} I love you so
} That's why
} I'm forever your blowvalve
} Grease me up
} Tie me down
} Stuff your...
} O: Oops, the censors say we can't keep showing this number. Thank you
} anyway, Paula. Anyway, Douglas Adams was overcome during that last
} number, and is in the bathroom with the producer taking care of things,
} so to speak. I'm afraid that brings us to the end of our show for
} today. Tune in next week when we have Pope John Paul II, the late Sam
} Kinnison, and Stephen Jay Gould giving their impressions of blowvalves.