[IO]
Internet Oracle
27 Aug 2014 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 13:01:44 GMT

Internet Oracularities #460

Goto:
460, 460-01, 460-02, 460-03, 460-04, 460-05, 460-06, 460-07, 460-08, 460-09, 460-10


Usenet Oracularities #460    (36 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Joshua.R.Poulson@cyber.Widener.EDU
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 92 07:25:15 -0500

To find out how to participate in the Usenet Oracle, send mail to:
   oracle@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu or {ames,rutgers}!iuvax!oracle
with the word "help" in the subject line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these Oracularities on
an integer scale of 1 = "not funny" to 5 = "very funny" with the volume
number to oracle-vote on iuvax (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
   460
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

460   36 votes 2ad65 18f84 6eb41 48g80 102bm 39c84 369f3 4eb61 269b8 e6952
460   3.1 mean  3.1   3.2   2.4   2.8   4.5   3.0   3.2   2.6   3.5   2.3


460-01    (2ad65 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Mark McCafferty <sgccmmc@citecuc.citec.oz.au>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> will an ass, such as my self, ever actually ever any of those stupid
> oracularities or will i just keep using you like one of my video games?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Beep! Click! [No-Grovel-Mode] Activate auto-response.
} Bing! Since you have failed to grovel, an AI subordinate process
} will respond to your question:
}
} Whirr! ...Parser activation...
} "Will an ass," -> Interogatory introduction: subject "ass"
} "such as myself" -> subordinate clause referring to supplicant...
}
} Tentative conclusion: Supplicant is an ass
}
} "ever actually ever" - > Beep! ERROR! Conclusion confirmed
}                          - Supplicant is an ass
}
} Possible resolutions: "ever actually READ.." <- REJECTED
}                        Supplicant has read oracularities
}
}                       "ever actually ANSWER" <- ACCEPTED
}
} "ever actually ANSWER" -> Action applied to following object..
}
} "any of those stupid oracularities" -> Beep! Semantic error!
}                        Oracularities are not stupid...
}
} Possible resolution: "most wise oracularities" <- ACCEPTED
}
} "or will i" -> Alternative action for ass with broken SHIFT key...
}
} "just keep using you" -> action applied to oracle
}
} "like one of my video games" -> Simile - oracle compared to mass
}                                 brain spongifier used by supplicant
}
} CHING! Hollistic examination of sentence!
}
} Supplicant <- Ass with broken SHIFT and spongified brain.
} Question   <- Answer any most wise oracularities
} Response   <- No
} Conclusion <- Supplicant will advance brain spongification
}               with "video games"
}
} You owe the oracle a cure for Bovine Spongiform Encepalopathy.


460-02    (18f84 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Todd Radel <radel@bach.udel.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Omnipotent Oracle, deserving of every complimentry adjective in the
> dictionary, grant me my inignificant plea for an answer, I beg, to this
> miserable question:
>
> When my girlfriend says she wants it wild and wet,
> does she mean she wants to go whitewater kayaking?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You just can't take these warm-weather colds lightly,
} the congestion has impaired your hearing slightly.
}
}     I want it tiled and set!
}
} She was telling you to remodel her bathroom.
}
} You owe the Oracle her phone number and a kayak built for two.


460-03    (6eb41 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: John.McCartney@ebay.sun.com ( The Lion of Symmetry )

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Great Oracle, you are wiser than Obi-Wan Kenobi, you are older
> than Yoda, you are more daring than Han Solo, you are stronger than
> Chewbacca, you are more imposing than Darth Vader, you are more
> heroic than Luke Skywalker, your girlfriend makes Princess Leia
> look ugly by comparison, and your might and ever-presence exceeds
> even the Force.  Please tell this humble mortal,
>
> Is George Lucas ever going to make another Star Wars film?
>
> If so, when?  What's it going to be about?  Who's going to be in
> it? Is it going to be as good as the first two, or as dissappointing
> as the third?  And most importantly, can you get me tickets on
> opening day without my having to wait in line for six hours?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} George Lucas's next Star Wars film will be called "Princess Leia
} Does Alpha Centauri", starring a Carrie Fisher lookalike willing to
} do *anything* to get ahead in show business, along with 113
} ugly-looking aliens with large you-know-whats.
}
} It won't be a bad movie, if you like hard-core.  And if you even
} *think* about going to see the movie on opening day, you will be
} arrested by your local police on morals charges.
}
} (Check out the 84th ugly-looking alien.  His large you-know-what is
} *really* large.  I mean, it's dragging the ground, if you get my
} drift.)
}
} You owe the Oracle a *really* large you-know-what.


460-04    (48g80 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: David Bremner <bremner@cs.sfu.ca>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>       Your honors all,
> I do refer me to the Oracle.
>                       (Winter's Tale III, ii)
> My Oracle, my prophet!
>                       (Richard III II, ii)
> I will no more enforce mine office on you,
> Humbly entreating from your royal thoughts
> A modest one, to bear me back again.
>                       (All's Well that Ends Well II, i)
> What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild-fowl?
>                       (Twelfth Night IV, ii)
> That is the question.
>                       (Hamlet III, i)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Before I answer your most worthy question
} I do entreat you to remember
} That life is no more than a sleeping and a forgetting
} And our little lives our rounded by a dream.
} But if you still do humbly seek an answer
} And music is the food of love
} Play on,
} And I will do the best I can to answer.
} A muse of fire would be a help most certain,
} But she gets every other Wednesday off
} And so my muse is sunning in the Bahamas
} And can be no help to me today.
} Now what was your question once again?
} Something about Pythagoras and wild-fowl.
} I can hardly deign to tell you someone else's opinion
} (I know, but such secrets are not mine to divulge;
} if you would really know the musings of Pythagaras
} there's a requisition form you can send to Olympus.)
} Meantime, I'll give you my opinions,
} And they will have to do.
} I think wildfowl are good with butter,
} Or curry, or broiled in a good oven.
} Roasted above the fire would also do,
} But raw is best,
} With just some salt and pepper.
}
} You owe the oracle a seven-course dinner.  And the complete Riverside
} edition of Shakespeare.


460-05    (102bm dist, 4.5 mean)
Selected-By: ewhac@ntg.com (Leo 'Bols Ewhac' Schwab)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh might and great Oracle who can find pleasurable uses even for an IBM
> PC (old 4.77 mhz version) who's zit juice (where you to have zits that
> is) I am not worthy clean from you mirror answer me, you humble
> suplicant, this question.
>
> We are here at ****** Comics are planning on dedicating one of our
> upcomming issues of "Secret Origins" to you and we where wondering
> that, since you are eteranl and therefore don't realy have an origin,
> if you could tell us how you came to be in possesion of your mighty
> <ZOT!> power.
>
> Thank You,
>         Eds.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.  And the
} earth was without form and void, and darkness was on the face of the
} land.  And the Lord said, "Let there be light!"  And there was
} light.  And the Lord saw the light, that it was good.  And it was
} evening, and it was morning, Day One.
}
} And it came to pass that man ate of the fruit of the tree of
} knowledge of good and evil.  And with this knowledge came curiosity,
} and many questions.
}
} And the Lord called upon the Oracle, to answer the questions of man.
} And the Oracle, exceedingly arrogant in those days, demanded of God,
} "What's in it for me?"  And the Lord said, "Let there be Lisa!"  And
} the Oracle saw Lisa, that she was very good.  And it was the
} beginning of a beautiful relationship.
}
} And it came to pass that the Lord became angry with man, and planned
} a great flood to wipe out every living thing.  But And Lord saw Noah,
} that he was righteous, and commanded him to build an Ark, and to take
} upon it of every animal two, a male and a female.
}
} And Noah asked of the Oracle,
}
} > God told me to build an Ark.  But he didn't tell me how.
} > Can you?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } Make the length of the ark three hundred cubits, its breadth
} } fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits.
} }
} } And include a moon roof, AM/FM/cassette stereo, side-view
} } mirrors, anti-lock brakes, driver's side airbag, and
} } optional power windows and power locks.
} }
} } And make it all for $199 down, and $199/month.
} }
} } You owe the Oracle a unicorn.
}
} And Noah built the Ark, as commanded, and paid the Oracle tribute of
} one unicorn, leaving him with one very lonely unicorn.
}
} And Noah begot Shem.  And Shem asked of the Oracle,
}
} > How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
} > chuck wood?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could
} } chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, silly.
} }
} } You owe the Oracle a more interesting question.
}
} And Shem begot Arpachshad.  And Arpachshad asked of the Oracle,
}
} > How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
} > chuck wood?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } That question is unoriginal, insipid, and downright annoying.
} } Don't ever ask it again.
} }
} } You owe the Oracle an apology.
}
} And Arpachshad begot Shelah.  And Shelah asked of the Oracle,
}
} > How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
} > chuck wood?
}
} And Shelah begot Eber, and Eber asked of the Oracle how much wood a
} woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.  And Eber
} begot Joktan, and Joktan asked of woodchucks as well.  And Joktan
} begot Jobab, who, for a change of pace, asked when drive-in movies
} would be invented.
}
} And the questions about woodchucks continued for one hundred
} generations.  And the Oracle came before God, and said unto him,
} "Lord, I have promised to answer all of man's questions.  And I have
} provided good answers, ever since Cain asked me whether he was his
} brother's keeper.  And for one hundred generations now, I have
} answered man's incredibly annoying question about woodchucks.  If
} something isn't done about this, I'm going to do something drastic."
}
} And the Lord replied, "I will send my only begotten Son, to spread
} the word, to tell man not to ask the woodchuck question."  And God
} so loved the world that he did send his only begotten Son, in order
} that man may not ask the Oracle the woodchuck question.
}
} And Jesus spoke to the multitudes of loving God, and loving one's
} neighbor, but nary a word about woodchucks.
}
} And the Oracle observed, and was displeased.
}
} And Judas came to ask of the Oracle,
}
} > How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
} > chuck wood?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } Judas, I was going to kill the next person that asked me that
} } question, but since I like you, I'm going to give you another
} } chance.
} }
} } You owe the Oracle a certain favor...
}
} And thus it came to pass that Judas betrayed Jesus to the Romans.
} And on the cross, Jesus let out a cry,
}
} > Oracle, Oracle, why hast thou forsaken me?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} }
}
} For the Oracle had gone to Radio Shack for the parts to build
} himself a <ZOT!> gun.
}
} But the Lord intervened, and said to the Oracle, "Oracle, I release
} you from your obligation to answer man's questions.  It is not worth
} anyone getting <ZOT!>ted over."
}
} And the Oracle was pleased, and spent the better part of the next
} two millenia with Lisa, generally having a great time, and answering
} no questions about woodchucks.
}
} And it came to pass one day that the Pacers were playing the
} Celtics, and the Oracle went to Indiana to see the game.  However,
} the Oracle made a wrong turn, and the next thing he knew,
} supplicants were again lining up to ask questions of the Oracle.
}
} And the first supplicant's question was,
}
} > How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
} > chuck wood?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } <ZOT!>
}
} It was with the next supplicant that the tradition of grovelling
} began.
}
} You owe the Oracle the first issue of the "Cain's wife" edition of
} "Secret Origins."


460-06    (39c84 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: dcharlet@rpslmc.edu (dale charletta)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is your wildest dream?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} My wildest dream?  That's a pretty personal question to ask without the
} traditional boosting of the Oracular ego.  Still, some traditions
} change, so I guess I'll let it go.
}
} It starts in a hot tub full of jellybeans.  Lisa and I are lying in it,
} enjoying some Dom Perignon when the door is kicked open by about 30
} one-armed, bald, midget proctologists.  They're all painted blue and
} chanting "Ki lo ni ma no so dong!"  Then they start dancing to King
} Crimson.
}
} That's about the time the neighbor (Cindy Crawford) comes up to
} complain about the noise.  She's wearing only a carp and an earring.
} She is immediately mobbed by the midgets (who want to eat the carp) and
} Lisa (who would like to smack me in the head for ogling Cindy).  They
} carry Cindy (minus carp, which is presently roasting in the fireplace)
} out and throw her in the parking lot volcano.
}
} Meanwhile, I get out of the hot tub and head back toward my Inner
} Sanctum, but it's been torn down to make way for a new overpass.  This
} overpass doesn't go anywhere...it's built in a circle.  Cars are racing
} around on it, occasionally jumping the guardrail and landing in vats of
} tennis balls.  A helicopter replaces the lost vehicles.
}
} It's about now that the truth serum wears off.  The enemy agents are
} pretty pissed because I wouldn't give them the Usenet address of the
} treasure map files. They decide that I know too much (brilliant, I'm
} omniscient, of course I know too much) and that I must die (again
} brilliant, I'm also immortal).  So they take me out but they suffer
} from the same disease as most of the James Bond villains so they don't
} just shoot me on the spot...they try to feed me to ferocious trained
} sharks instead.  I get away by removing the Bat Shark Repellent from my
} utility belt and spraying it on the sharks.  I then disguise myself as
} a flounder and toss myself in the St. Lawrence River.
}
} I'm caught by some local fishermen who sell me to the Russian embassy
} in Canada. I am fileted, cooked, and eaten, and then I'm...hmmm, back
} in the St. Lawrence River.  I lose the fish suit (I was being chased by
} blue midgets) and charter a plane for Paraguay, except that I get lost
} on the way and wind up in Botswana where I am proclaimed King of the
} Kalahari and showered with....
}
} Well, I don't know what, because that's when the volcano in the parking
} lot erupts and wakes me up.


460-07    (369f3 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: asbestos@nwu.edu (Michael A. Atkinson)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Oracle,
>
> Several days ago, I asked you a question, and sure enough I got a
> wonderful answer right away.
>
> In payment, you demanded "a copy of tomorrow's newspaper".
>
> So, the next day I wrapped up a copy of the Times and mailed it off
> to you.
>
> Then, the next morning I received a communication from your billing
> department, informing me that I was in arrears.
>
> Right away, I wrote to you and asked you to explain to me what I did
> wrong, so that I can pay up properly, and you replied
>
> } Why certainly, my dear naive supplicant.  You see, I asked you for a
> } copy  of tomorrow's newspaper, not today's newspaper or yesterday's
> } newspaper.   What you have to do is get a copy of the paper before
> } it is published.  How  else can I keep *really* up-to-date on the
> } horoscope?
>
> So, I figured that the Times always hits the newsstands around 10:30
> with tomorrow's date, so in order to get a copy of tomorrow's
> newspaper before it was published I went down to their offices,
> stole the proofsheets, and quickly mailed them to you.
> Special delivery.
>
> I was sure that had taken care of it, so you can imagine my surprise
> next morning when your Earthly representative,
> Reginald Cholmondeley-Leicester Esq., showed up at my door and
> informed me that I'd better pay up or he'd make a cucumber sandwich
> out of me.
>
> I wrote to you again, saying "What am I to do?" and you explained
> that the paper had to be for whatever would be "tomorrow" ( or later )
> in your timeframe whenever you received it, not to mention:
>
> } You fool, you forgot the interest!
> }
> } Once you didn't pay up the FIRST time, by sending me the wrong paper,
> } you quickly added the Oracle's standard rate of 100%/day interest
> } (compunded hourly, but I'll make a special consideration for you,
> } since you don't seem to understand enough to make the calculation,
> } and just say 1 new paper [get it? :)] a day) to your original
> } payment.  Now that you've payed one day's interest, but missed TWO
> } more days of the original payment, you owe me... let's see...
> }
> }        Principal Interest
> } Day 0:  1 paper  0 papers The question is answered
> } Day 1:  1 paper  1 paper  You send the wrong thing
> } Day 2:  1 paper  2 papers You are informed of your mistake
> } Day 3:  1 paper  3 papers You send a different wrong thing
> } Day 4:  1 paper  4 papers We show up at your door  (today)
> }
> } So, this means that you now owe us 5 editions of "tomorrow's" paper.
> } Since the earliest you can pay us off is tomorrow, you will have
> } accrued another day's interest, and owe us 6 papers tomorrow.
> }
> } Please make sure you pay up tomorrow.  We don't like accounts to
> } remain outstanding for that long.
>
> So, I did some research on postal delivery times, hot-wired the
> kludgitron on my time machine to double the usual voltage, put an
> extra jar of peanut butter into its fuel tank, and off I went into
> the far future.
>
> It was a rough trip. I had to get a flat fixed just a few
> millenia along the way, and coming back I got lost and almost missed
> the last exit to babylon.
>
> But I did it, and immediately upon my return I mailed off to you a
> whole week's worth of newspapers from 3,975,420,001,895,563.98 A.D.
> As slow as the Post Office is, I'm sure they'll reach you in plenty
> of time.
>
> On the way back, I skimmed through the news. Some of it
> plus-ca-change: Beatles in top 20, fighting in Phoenecia.
> Interesting horse-race result on the day you were asking for.
> Oh, yes, and this quote of the day:
>
> "Abg zneoyr abe gur tvyqrq zbahzragf bs cevaprf funyy bhgyvir guvf
> zvtugl eulzr".
>
> I just wanted to let you know how things stand,
> You'll notice that I haven't asked you any questions in this note.
>
> Your rates are too expensive.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} (The Oracle is standing in a museum and admiring some gilded monuments
} some artist has made of him a couple of centuries ago. His usual
} appearance in a white bath gown with sandals and black socks and his
} mighty <ZOT!> gun hanging from his belt gives him quite a contrast to
} the other visitors many of whom exchange bewildered expressions when
} they see him.
}
} Under his right arm he carries a newspaper of tomorrow. A beautiful
} woman appears in the room. She gazes at the Oracle, then at the
} newspaper he is carrying.)
}
} Woman: Eh, er, excuse me Sir, are you the person I have the appointment
}        with? Box number 1369A in the Times?
} Oracle: Yes, Ma'am, that's me!
} Woman: And, er, you wrote that ad under 'Contacts'? "Good-looking man
}        in his best ages (looking younger), well-clad and with good
}        reputation, wealthy, is searching for female companionship.
}        Marriage not excluded."?
}        May I then ask how old you are?
} Oracle: Well, um, about eightthousand years or so... But you see: I
}         am looking younger than that!
} Woman: And it was really you? We made an appointment? You told me that
}        you would be waiting here at five o' clock with tomorrow's news-
}        paper under your arm?
} Oracle: Yes, Ma'am! T. U. Oracle, at your service!
} Woman: Well-clad... Hm. Are you at least wealthy then?
} Oracle: Oh yes! You see, I have so many things I would like to share
}         with a woman who really cares... Now that Lisa and Zeus, um,
}         never mind, er, where was I? Ah, yes - I have for example a
}         huge collection of these newspapers some poor dude sent me
}         once. I possess the iceberg that sunk the 'Titanic', a new
}         world order, a small piece of green putty, a spell, a
}         spellchecker for it, the Bermuda Triangle, the results of the
}         next elections in Romania (it's planned already - the election
}         *and* the result), the insignia of General Motors, the secret
}         to balance the US budg...
} Woman: Stop that. STOP THAT! Please don't tell me anything about your
}        good reputation! I can already imagine what it would sound like!
}        Would probably have something to do with that funny pistol you
}        are carrying on that belt that just doesn't quite fit round your
}        belly! NRA, I bet!
} Oracle: But I *have* a good reputation! No one who ever criticised me
}         lived to tell! And all these people who are boring me
}         permanently with all these questions - they *always* tell me
}         how clever and good-looking I am! They tell me that my farts
}         are sheer Perfume and that the sun rises when I walk into the
}         room and that...
} Woman: Could you please answer me one final question? How did you
}        escape?  Fromthe sanitarium, I mean.
}
} Oracle: Well, that was easy: The guard kept asking me the results of
}         tomorrow's horse races. I read them out from some newspaper.
}         And as a reward I claimed the keys for the main gate from him.
}         Er, uh, I really didn't want to tell you that! I mean, not
}         until we're married and all th...
}         HEY! Where do you think you're going?! Have I offended you?
}         Hey, come back!
}
}         Um, now she's gone. Perhaps if I bring some flowers the next
}         time?
}
} (To big men in white clothes arrive and take the Oracle back to a safe
} place in Indiana. It seems that today people just lack the respect for
} a minor deity. Of course people would never have dared to do this in
} ancient times. Oh well, the old days!)
}
} Now that you understand why the Oracle needed the newspaper of
} tomorrow, you owe the Oracle some flowers. Fresh Autumn flowers.
} Oh, and by the way: Guvf eulzr qbrfa'g! (Ner gur zbahzragf fnsr gura?)


460-08    (4eb61 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: David Bremner <bremner@cs.sfu.ca>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, do you have any friends besides Lisa?  I worry about you
> sometimes, wondering if you're lonely (like me).
>
> --Fred

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well Fred, it's funny you should say that.  Sometimes it's just too
} painful to talk about, you know?  Of course you do, you're probably the
} only one that does.  It's so hard, carrying the burden of this
} responsibility, that sometimes it just makes you...
}
} <music swells>
}
} want to...
}
} <louder..>
}
} SING!!
}
} "I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it <oo!> <op!>.."
}
} Oops.  Damn.  How do you erase that again?  ^h ^h ^q ^c del del ^c
} bugger..
}
} OK.  You win.  The secret's out.  And I'm proud of it, do you hear?
} The operations, the skin bleaching, the lurid stories about Diana Ross
} and Elizabeth Taylor (and the chimp), they were all a smoke screen!
} And they said Kinzler couldn't be bought.  Well I got Northern songs,
} didn't I?  And have they checked the Elephant Man's remains lately?
} No!  Ha!  Kentucky Fried Chicken man in fact!  And they never knew!
} And now, as if the last couple of albums weren't bad enough, I mean
} awful enough, now I can force myself onto every computer terminal in
} the world!  A whole new population that has never heard my "music", for
} want of a better word.  I suffered for my music.....now it's your turn.
}   BwahahahahaHAHAHAHA!!!


460-09    (269b8 dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: RICH MCGEE <MCGEE@nic.CSU.net>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> You are in a maze of twisty tunnels, all alike...

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} >inventory
} You are currently holding the following:
} Coleman Peak I lantern
} Katadyn water purifier
} Silva Ranger compass
} Can of Spam
} A koan
} A Jackson Pollock painting
} Many junk bonds.
} >eat Spam
} I think I just lost my appetite.
} There is a threatening little Supplicant in the room with you!
} One sharp, nasty question is thrown at you!
} It misses!
} >throw axe
} You aren't carrying it!
} There are 2 threatening little Supplicants in the room with you!
} 2 of them throw questions at you!!
} None of them hit you!
} >kill Supplicants
} With what? Your bare wit?
} There are 2 threatening little Supplicants in the room with you!
} >examine Pollock
} I don't understand Pollock!
} There are 3 threatening little Supplicants in the room with you!
} >throw koan
} You killed a little Supplicant.  The body vanished in a cloud
} of greasy black smoke.
} There are 2 threatening little Supplicants in the room with you!
} 2 of them throw questions at you!!
} One of them gets you!
} Oh dear, you seem to have gotten yourself killed.  I might
} be able to help you out, but I've never really done this
} before.  Do you want me to try to reincarnate you?
} >yes
} OK, but you'll have to grovel first.
} >what the hell?
} I don't understand that!
} >I'm the Oracle!
} I don't know that word.
} >Jesus Hominibus Christ, I'm the Usenet Oracle!  I don't know what
} +version of Adventure this is, but I'm damn sure going to let Woods and
} +Crowther hear about THIS nonsense!
} Grovel or die!
} >Drop junk bonds
} There is a loud explosion, and a twenty-foot hole appears in
} the far wall, burying the Supplicants in the rubble.  You march
} through the hole and find yourself in the main office of BCCI, where
} a cheering band of friendly investment bankers carry the conquering
} Oracle off into the sunset.


460-10    (e6952 dist, 2.3 mean)
Selected-By: The Great Squid

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> And just what are you still doing up?!?
> Listening at the top of the stairs, eh?!
> Well, we have a special punishment for eavesdroppers!
> [Several loud smacks and one blushing bottom later...]
> Now what do you have to say for yourself?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}     NYAAH--HEAHHH-HEAHHH!!!
}
}            (@)
}           !-=-!
}             |
}       _____/_\_______
}              __      |__
}        __    \/    __   |__
}        \/          \/      |__
}                               |__
}       @-|--=      @-|--=         |
}
}    Punished Johnny, his Hind Parts on Fire,
}    dropping sharpen'd and pointed Eaves
}    on his Offending Parents.


© Copyright 1989-2014 The Internet OracleTM a Kinzler.com offering Contact oracle-web@internetoracle.org