461-05 (37955 dist, 3.1 mean)
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> O Unbelievably Incredible Oracle, who is so amazingly cool that
> he's turned down an appearance on the Arsenio show because Arsenio's
> "not hip enough," I humbly abase myself before you to secure a moment
> of your time:
> I'm worried about the computer industry. Specifically, I'm
> afraid that shoddy/cheesy/poorly-designed/et al systems and software
> are taking over the market, and those of us who are trying to Do
> Something Better are being squeezed out.
> Case in point: Microsoft. They have effectively slowed, if not
> halted, the progress of the computer industry for the past twelve
> years. First they gave us a kluge of an operating system called MS-DOS,
> which was obsolete the day it was released, and now they've given us a
> cheesy knocoff of the Mac GUI called Windows, and threatens to stall
> things for *another* twelve years.
> Further, they're thinking of porting this abomination to other
> platforms. This state of affairs was bad enough (but understandable)
> with it running on the bonzoid Intel architectures. However, the idea
> of Windows running on a class system (like a SparcStation or an HP-700)
> just makes me want to retch.
> The old adage, "Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat
> a path to your door," seems no longer to apply. Systems vastly
> superior to MS-DOS/Windows have been around for years, but no one in
> the press seems to pay this fact any notice. Windows is selling *1
> million* copies per month, and shows no signs of slowing. Personally,
> I would prefer not to contribute to this state of affairs. Windows
> just plain sucks compared to what I've been using for years, but the
> economics of the situation are becoming impossible to ignore.
> The third millenium is approaching, and I would hate to see
> Windows be the system that carries us into it. I want to be a part of
> things that are better. Do you have any suggestions on how I might
> help slow, halt, or reverse this disquieting trend? (I have a limited
> budget, so money-based solutions would be difficult to implement.)
} 18th June, 1992. Our Ref:
} MR. CHARLES BABBAGE,
} 114A THE SCREAMS,
} THE HEREAFTER.
} Dear MR. CHARLES BABBAGE,
} Thank you for your recent enquiry. We are happy to report to you, MR.
} CHARLES BABBAGE, that you are eligible to win *** MAJOR PRIZES *** up
} to and including what we are pleased to announce as a whole new
} approach to computer operating systems.
} You, MR. CHARLES BABBAGE, have been selected from all of your
} neighbours in PURGATORY and have therefore passed the first part of the
} selection process. This letter represents your opportunity, MR.
} CHARLES BABBAGE, to get ahead of all the other applicants from THE
} HEREAFTER and to win some of these *** MAJOR PRIZES ***.
} So what do you have to do now? Well, MR. CHARLES BABBAGE, you will be
} competing with the other applicants from THE HEREAFTER, so you must
} move quickly! All you have to do is answer these simple questions:
} 1. Do I wish to be successful and wealthy?
} 2. Would I like to have WOMEN chasing me constantly?
} 3. Do I wish to improve my mind?
} 4. Would I like A FOURTEEN INCH PENIS?
} If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, you are eligible
} to enter the third stage of this exciting contest. Simply send to us
} YOUR SOUL, accompanied by ALL YOUR EARTHLY POSSESSIONS, and we will
} forward to you, MR. CHARLES BABBAGE, an operating system which will
} make you the envy of all your neighbours in THE SCREAMS, PURGATORY, THE
} Too good to be true? Well, there's more. If you are unsatisfied with
} this product in any way, simply return it to us, and we *guarantee*
} that you will have the opportunity to pay us more money. Furthermore,
} if you find that the system does not work on your computer system in
} sunny PURGATORY without the purchase of expensive add-ons, we will
} provide them for you with a 100% markup!! No-one else can match this
} offer, so hurry, MR. CHARLES BABBAGE, or you will regret it forever, we
} promise you.
} Yours sincerely,
} T. Usenet Oracle,
} Orifice Systems Inc.