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Internet Oracularities #462

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Usenet Oracularities #462    (30 votes, 3.0 mean)
Compiled-By: Joshua.R.Poulson@cyber.Widener.EDU
Date: Thu, 25 Jun 92 08:29:11 -0500

To find out how to participate in the Usenet Oracle, send mail to:
   oracle@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu or {ames,rutgers}!iuvax!oracle
with the word "help" in the subject line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these Oracularities on
an integer scale of 1 = "not funny" to 5 = "very funny" with the volume
number to oracle-vote on iuvax (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
   462
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

462   30 votes 05799 159c3 34c65 8c712 17a93 26985 65g12 88941 57d41 35886
462   3.0 mean  3.7   3.4   3.2   2.2   3.2   3.3   2.6   2.4   2.6   3.3


462-01    (05799 dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: CLHP19@vaxe.strathclyde.ac.uk

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Ohe magnus Oraculus, qui identibus anticus frustrum magnum spinaciae
> hab es (id tibi praebet speciem lepidissimam), ell-tay e-may:
>
> Hostes alienigeni me abduxerunt. Qui annus est?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}                     JULIUS CAESAR APPEARS IN MIDWEST!
}                   Roman Emperor Abducted by Space Aliens!
}                       WEEKLY WORLD NEWS Exclusive!
}
} By Sweeney Todd, Special Correspondent, 20 June 1992
}
}    Students at Indiana University thought it was just another
} fraternity prank.  But the man wearing a toga and a crown of bay leaves
} was no frat brother--he was the Roman Emperor Julius Caesar, kidnapped
} by space aliens and released in the year 1992!
}    According to students, the bewildered emperor first appeared on the
} quad at IU around noon last Thursday.  "People started to gather around
} him, laughing and shouting 'To-GA!  To-GA!'" said coed Allison Walker,
} 19. "But when someone threw a beer can at him and he pulled a short
} sword out of his belt and started shouting in some weird language,
} like, everyone freaked!"
}    Luckily, one member of the crowd was Horace Dimsdale, 20, a junior
} computer science major and third-year Latin student.  "I understood
} what he was shouting, but I couldn't believe it at first," said
} Dimsdale.  "I think it was 'Ego Caesar Imperator sum, osculate culum
} meum!' I don't like to say just what it means, but he was pretty
} angry."
}    Dimsdale managed to rescue the hapless Emperor from the crowd and,
} using his fluent Latin, find out how he had arrived in Bloomington.
} Although Caesar lacked the vocabulary to describe some of what he had
} seen, it was clear from his description that he had been abducted from
} the Roman Forum by space aliens in a large pulsating UFO in the year 48
} B.C.!  "They communicated with him using their ESP and told him that
} they wanted to study his brain because he was known to them as one of
} the great military minds of the Galaxy," said Dimsdale.  "They were
} running some kind of probe when they were interrupted by an enemy
} attack, and to save Caesar they had to drop him off at the nearest
} space-time continuum."  Which happened to be Indiana in 1992!
}    IU officials arrived, but as soon as Caesar realized where he was he
} insisted on being taken to "the Great Oracle."  "We didn't get it at
} first," said Prof. J. W. Halporn, head of Classics at IU.  "He kept
} saying, 'Ubi Magnum Oraculum?'  I knew that wasn't Latin for 'take me
} to your leader,' but luckily Horace here figured out what he meant."
}    The betoga'ed ruler was in fact asking for the "Usenet Oracle," a
} massive super-secret Artificial Intelligence project housed at Indiana
} University, whom the space aliens had told Caesar was the ruler of the
} greatest empire on the planet in 1992!  "We took him to the nearest
} VT100," said Dimsdale, "and he sat down and began typing right
} away--after making a sarcastic comment about how the space aliens used
} more sophisticated Dvorak keyboards!"
}    The Emperor's current whereabouts are being kept secret by IU
} officials as they work feverishly with their Oracle software to
} discover a way to return Julius Caesar to his own time.  "We know he
} has to have gotten back somehow," said Halporn, "because we asked the
} Oracle what would happen if Caesar had disappeared and never been
} assassinated, and the Oracle got real mad and said, 'Look, even my
} Supplicants have gotten tired of these old-hat alternate reality
} questions,' and assured us that the technology to return Caesar was
} well within his grasp."
}    But the Weekly World News has learned from sources among the
} students that the famous author of "et tu, Brute?" is now enjoying
} American beer, pretzels, and reruns of I Love Lucy!


462-02    (159c3 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Carole Susan Fungaroli <csf7m@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, Oracle, I have to go to the bathroom sooooo badly!  Where is the
> nearest relief room?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Quite simple really, such an easy question compared to some of the ones
} I've ^GConnection Interrupted from eagle-eye.nsa.gov
}
} "Jenkins!  Get in here!"
}
} "What is it boss?"
}
} "I was doing a routine scan on all the iuvax internet traffic, well,
} you know what a bunch of commies they are.  Anyway, look what came up."
}
} "Jesus!  How the hell does anybody know about the Relief Room?"
}
} "I dunno, but it looks like security has been compromised.  Jenkins,
} call the president and tell him to be on standby for evacuation.
} Simmons, try and trace the source of this mail, Johnson, boil some
} water and tear sheets into strips.  Move people, move!"
}
} "Boss, what are you doing using that terminal?  You know it isn't
} secure."
}
} "Shit, you're right, hang on while I
}
} ^GConnection Resumed
} the hall, past the drinking fountain, and on your left.
}
} You owe the Oracle a picture postcard of Niagra Falls.


462-03    (34c65 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: dcharlet@rpslmc.edu (dale charletta)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> This morning I woke up and sold the house and everything in it.  I took
> the proceeds and bought equipment to construct a 600 meter tower, and
> on the top, in tasteful white lights, is spelled out a tribute to you,
> O Master of Knowledge.  Underneath that, on a platinum platform is a
> shrine erected to you, and stocked with chocolate fudge, everything i
> could find leather, and various whips and other toys.  Also some milk
> and cookies.  After I was complete I set out kissing every inch of
> ground so that if, perchance, you should walk over it, I will be
> covered.  Additionally, I have tatooed your name in 137 seperate places
> on my body to remind me of your awe-inspiring power.  Please answer this
> question from your *very* devoted supplicant:
>
> Last Sunday evening I sat down in front of my TV.  I usually don't
> watch TV during the week, but I do set my VCR to record the new Star
> Trek episode on Saturday night so I can watch it on Sunday.  Well, as
> luck would have it, the antenna connector was not connected completely,
> so, while I got an acceptable picture, much of the sound was garbled
> with static making it very annoying to watch, not to mention it was
> impossible to follow the story. Can you tell me what happened - its the
> one where the space probe zaps Picard and makes him relive some kind of
> previous life in 25 minutes or something. The episode looked really
> good, and i'm kind of cranky about missing it.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Think you're pretty good at this grovelling stuff, don't you?  Well,
} you forgot to stock the shrine with recreational drugs, and you did not
} say the requisite Old Aramaic prayers while crawling backwards around
} the shrine 333 times widdershins and 17 times deosel!!  HA!  That's six
} thousand extra years in Purgatory for you, buckwheat!
}
} Now, about that question...
}
} That was a pretty good episode.  It turns out the the alien space probe
} was built by Wesley Crusher, who sent it out after the Enterprise with
} his dirty laundry so that his Mom the Doctor could wash it for him.
} Unfortunately, the probe was incepted by Romulan agents led by the Evil
} Tasha Yar look-alike, who re-rigged it to project compressed bursts of
} 24th century sit-coms directly into Picard's brain.  The Enterprise
} bridge crew is totally mystified by this attack, and no one can figure
} out quite how to deal with it:
}
} Doctor: His brain is turning to raspberry jelly!!  I've never seen
}         anything like it.
}
} Worf: I recommend that we blast the sucker pronto!!
}
} Data: Would it not be more logical to make jelly doughnuts for the
}       crew?
}
} Diana Troy: I sense evil intent...
}
} Ricker: Maybe if I leer at it becomingly, it will go away...
}
} Picard: Where's the Beaver?
}
} You owe the Oracle some clean underwear.


462-04    (8c712 dist, 2.2 mean)
Selected-By: mcglk@bike.rad.washington.edu (Ken McGlothlen)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, you large stinkfoot,
> why does it hurt when i pee ?
>                    F.Z.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, Mr. Zappa, you could take some of the pressure off if
} you took your head out of your ass and gave a proper grovel.
}
} -The Oracle
}
} ps- Don't worry; I'm still voting for you.


462-05    (17a93 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Carole Susan Fungaroli <csf7m@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O splendiferous one,
>
> As you know, Dan Quayle recently made a fool of himself for about
> the 1000th time by prompting a schoolkid to spell "potato" as
> "potatoe."  The White House spin control people explained that
> the mistake wasn't entirely Quayle's fault because the spelling
> on his cue card was in fact "potatoe."
>
> This seems like a pretty lame excuse to me.  What would a better
> one be?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That grovel was rather prefunctory ... better shape up next time ...
}
} Believe it or not, this is actually the best possible excuse.  You
} think those handler types are stupid or something?  They're experts
} at this excuse business.  Any other would either be even less
} effective at making Quayle look like an idiot, or would be too
} implausible for most voters to believe.  For instance, here are some
} of the other excuses which were examined and rejected:
}
}  - Quayle has been battling a life-threatening illness for the last
}      three weeks and is, of necessity, heavily drugged ... we can
}      only salute the courage of his determination to continue leading
}      a normal life and sparing others the burden of extending him any
}      special treatment with regard to his condition.  Announcements
}      of full recovery to be postponed until he has a "good streak" of
}      five or more non-embarrassing public appearences.
}
}  - The shortened spelling without the "e" is not actually
}      traditional, but an idea that has been spread by powerful
}      Hollywood liberals.  The Big Lie techniques that these media
}      moguls use to mould public opinion have been successful in
}      leaving everyone with the belief that the shortened NewSpeak
}      spelling has actually been in use for centuries.
}
}  - Quayle was unfortunate in that he had to attend schools during
}      years in which Democrats were promoting endless government
}      interference in schools, which made it impossible for anyone to
}      get the kind of top quality education that President Bush is
}      certain to bring us back to eventually, if Congress lets him.
}      This is also why Quayle didn't do real well in law school -- the
}      failure was the school's, not his.
}
}  - He knew how it was spelled but President Reagan had once told him
}      it was spelled with an "e", and he could not bring himself to
}      embarrass the former president whom he holds in such great
}      regard by making him look stupid, so he selflessly took the
}      burden of media shame onto his own shoulders.  This explains
}      quite a few other incidents too.
}
}  - There is actually a different word spelled "potatoe" which is not
}      pronounced at all like the name of the common root crop, but it
}      is so obscure that only very knowledgeable and scholarly people
}      like Quayle have ever heard of it.  Quayle had misjudged the
}      level of scholastic advancement in the class he was attending.
}      Questions as to what this other word means are to be put off for
}      a day or so in order to think of an answer.  The Oracle, of
}      course, already knows what it means.
}
}  - That was actually Bill Clinton in a clever disguise.  It doesn't
}      take very much makeup for Clinton, long a master of impersonation,
}      to make himself look exactly like Quayle.
}
}  - News bombshell!  Chinese secret agents have been caught operating
}      a hidden tape system which plays subliminal indoctrination
}      messages into Quayle's ears while he's asleep.  They were
}      captured in the act of putting in a cassette which would have
}      caused Quayle to mistakenly say that Jesus Christ was a
}      Frenchman.
}
} Although some of these may seem more convincing to you, they would
} not have been very widely believed by the public.  So the excuse
} given, weak as it was, has actually been proven by the most rigorous
} White House staff analysis to be the best that can be managed.  At
} least without Oracular help.  I know a much better excuse but I aint
} telling.
}
} You owe the Oracle a place on the ballot in all fifty states.


462-06    (26985 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: DAVIS@licr.dn.mu.oz.au

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How do I get out of here?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh dear, another poor soul lured in by the unscrupulous dictators.
}
} You see, despite what they told you, you don't get out of there.  Ever.
} What happens is that for the next two years, you will be some
} professor's virtual slave, teaching his classes, grading homework and
} proctoring exams, while he is out enjoying himself.  I say "virtual
} slave" because as he promised, you will get paid.  Almost.  Boy, I bet
} when you were an undergrad, $700 a month sure seemed like a lot of
} money, didn't it?  Well, now that mom and dad don't pay the bills
} anymore, you will find out just how far that much money will go. (hint:
} It won't make it all the way to the grocery store)  I suppose you
} always wondered why grad students smell didn't you.  Well, now you know
} that it is because they can't afford to shower or wash their clothes.
} Anyway, at the end of two years you will go to your major professor and
} tell him that you want a change.  He will say "Sure, why didn't you say
} so earlier?  It's about time you started bearing down on your thesis.
} How about if I make you a research assistant?"
}
} At that time, you will find out that the life of a research assistant
} is no more glamorous that that of a teaching assistant.  Now, you will
} be spending about 75 hours a week doing all the little work in research
} that your professor is too lazy to do.  All the while, he will be
} publishing papers, putting your name in the 'Acknowledgements' section.
} (if you are lucky) You will also notice in his mailbox one day a check
} from the government for about $50,000 that has been earmarked for your
} grant.  When you ask him about this, he will explain how most of the
} money is eaten up by 'administrative details,' and that it isn't his
} fault that you don't see a fifth of that money during the year.  He
} will then ask you 'Say, have you started writing your thesis yet?' and
} drive away in his new Jag.  You will soon loathe the phrase 'Have you
} started writing your thesis yet?'
}
} After four more years of this drudgery, he will call you into his
} office and say 'Things seem to be shaping up, I think you are almost
} finished. Have you started writing your thesis yet?'  In peoplespeak
} this translates roughly to: 'Damn, I can't believe you are stupid
} enough to have stayed this long, now I really have to start applying
} the thumbscrews to get you to drop out.  Now get out of my office.'
} After another two years, you will still be at the 'only a few more
} results to go - have you started writing yet?' stage.  This is where
} you will remain forever, because you see, you have decided to forgo the
} real world, with it's things like a real salary, comfortable lodging,
} and food, and instead have signed up for the life of a grad student,
} filled with things like outdated computers and stale Twinkies.
}
} No, sadly, you never get out of here.  So, have you started writing
} yet?
}
} The Oracle won't charge you a thing (like you could pay anyway)


462-07    (65g12 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: buck@sunyit.edu (Jesse Buckley)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Mr.Oracle.
>
> I realise that this is probably a bad time for you, what with all the
> frogs falling out of the sky and everything, but it has occurred to me
> that as you are so undeniably cool and things, so you can probably cope
> with what amounts to, for you, an inestimably small amount of thinking.
>
> What I would like to know is this;  could I be justified in defrauding
> my employers of an amount of money in excess of 3/4 million pounds
> (Sterling). I consider that the amount of money they pay me is
> insufficient to allow me to lead the sort of lifestyle I would wish.
> For example, I consider it perfectly reasonable to allow someone who
> works in a high stress environment (like I do) to holiday three times a
> year, each time to, say, the USA, Far East, or Australia.  (This is
> London).  I have worked as a shelf stacker for a large supermarket
> chain for 2 months now and have already found one grey hair (on my dog,
> I'll admit, but it still counts).  Further, I have recently test driven
> a big expensive European sports car, and I want one.  Actually, I think
> it may be more useful to illegally obtain more than 3/4 of a million
> pounds.
> What do you think?
>
> Yours,
>
> Desperately deprived.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ah yes, the frogs.  They are some of my favorite pets.  Hey! You better
} not be doing anything like running over them on the moterway or
} anything!  You know that I will instantly catch and ZOT! you should you
} do such a thing. Actually, I am tempted to ZOT! anyway.  When you
} British fail to grovel it really bothers me.  I mean, you have royalty
} and everything.  Geez, you should be used to it.  When the Americans
} forget, well, they're still evolving.  And the French! Well, if it
} wasn't for my friend Thor, I would have annihilated them years ago
} (Thor like to use France as a practice target zone, much like the
} Germans do).
}
} Anyway, to your question:
}
} Let me have a look;
}
} Oracular Crystal Ball:
} USERID: Oracle1.Omnipotent
} PASSWORD: *!#<!>***!
}
} >Hey Orrie! What's Happening?>
}
} I have a British supplicant who wants to know about ripping off 3/4
} million pounds (Sterling) from his employers. Give me a read out.
}
} >Well Orrie, it's only funny money, it's not like the Holy Dollar or
} >anything.
}
} Yeah, well, the British seem to take their currency seriously. Geezer,
} even I'm mystified by that.  Anyway, by contract, I have to answer this
} guy so let's run a model and see what happens.
}
} >Well what model would you like to run? Jerry Hall? Christy Brinkly?
} >Terry Garr isn't really a model but she does underwear commercials....
}
} Yeah, I know. And she looks damn good in those.  Who do you think gave
} the producers the idea to hire her.  Geez, I have the pictures from her
} dressing room!
}
} >Well if you ever need money for leather wear for Lisa, those will come
} >in handy. Please scan those to me, it will help my marital life.
}
} I don't care about your damn marital life!  Now run a model based on
} the parameters of this guy's job and life and let's see what will
} happen if he rips off the money from his employers!
}
} >OK!@!@##*! You don't have to get testy!
}
} ===============================================
} ORACULAR MODEL #980,673,573,789,321,900,132,003
} ===============================================
} >WARNING!!
} >YOU ARE OVER YOUR LIMIT OF CPU TIME!  THIS JOB MAY BE DISCONTINUED
} >WITHOUT ADDITIONAL WARNING!
}
} Oh! Big hairy deal!  I am the Omnipotent Oracle!  If they dare cut me
} off I'll crash their whole damn system.  I'll crash everyone's system!
} Go ahead boyz, screw with me....
}
} >Err, I, ah, I have just received clearance for you to operate within
} >the pre-defined parameters for the next three eons...SIR!
}
} That's more like it!
}
} >OK. The model has run.  Answer forthcoming.
} >British stockboy manages to embezzle 3/4 million pounds (Sterling)
} >from his employers.  Same, spends large amount on European sports car
} >(a good choice I should add).  Employers call in Scotland Yard to find
} >the missing money. Scotland Yard far too busy tracking the Royal
} >AFFAIRS of Princess Di.  So employers hire a private firm to find the
} >thief.  Private firm then paid three time more by tabloid to find out
} >if Prince Charles is really a voyeur and is secretly making videos of
} >Diana and her, err..., playmates.  The employers try again with a
} >different firm and again have the same results.
} >>>>
} >>RESULTING ANALYSIS:
} >>>>
} >Supplicant should proceed with plan.  There is a 98.7% probability
} >that he will not be caught due to the British obsession with whom
} >their Royalty is sleeping around with (like it is any of their
} >business!).
} >>END JOB>
}
} Thank you.  I won't pull your plug after all.
}
} >Thanx, your Worship.
}
} There you have it. Supplicant. Go for it.  But please, do send the
} Prince a Receipt.  He may need it soon for taxes.
}
} You owe the Oracle a three week supply of fake beards and condems
} appropriate for the Royal Bedroom (I HATE USING THE FRENCH TERM!!!!)


462-08    (88941 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: Todd Radel <radel@asel.udel.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>                        Subject:                         Time:9:13 AM
>                        tell me                          OFFICE MEMO
>   Date:6/17/92
>
> Great and Powerful Oracle,
> We pale in your magnificance.  Your greatness trancends both time and
> space.  It is to you only that all the secrets and intricasies of the
> universe are known.  You alone can program your VCR to record in
> advance without consulting the manual.  Although we are to you what the
> flashing 12:00 on said VCR is to us, we have prospered from your
> tutelage.
>
>      Oh great Oracle, please enlighten us:
>
>      When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it loop around in a sideways
> "U" fashion, or does it rotate around it's line of flight like a screw?
>
> Thank you.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, a very flattering grovel.  This deserves a very truthful answer.
} The answer is neither and both, in a way.  When  fly lands on a
} ceiling, it performs both a sideways (like rotating like a screw) and a
} backwards (like a "U" turn) somersault.  Thus it ends up facing whence
} it came.  And possibly falling to the floor if it gets it wrong.
}
} You owe the Oracle an answer to the question: do flies rotate in the
} opposite direction in the southern hemisphere?


462-09    (57d41 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: asbestos@nwu.edu (Michael A. Atkinson)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>       If a photon is both a particle
>       and also a wave
>       And nobody can explain
>       how women behave
>       And all president's seem
>       to have one foot in the grave
>       then...
>
>       What exactly did I do on Friday night, and why did I wake up
> Saturday morning on the bathroom floor, with a good deal of cleaning to
> do and a hangover that made my last root canal seem like orgasmic
> pleasure in comparison?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You, Mr. Vice-President, had nightmares all Friday night about swarms
} of fourth-grade spelling-bee champions pelting you with potatoes.  When
} you stumbled to the bathroom in your sleep, you slipped on your rubber
} duckie and knocked yourself out.  Keep up the good work.
}
} You owe the Oracle a set of Confuse-A-Veep flashcards.


462-10    (35886 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Mark McCafferty <sgccmmc@citecuc.citec.oz.au>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Scene: a University building somewhere.
> Time: yesterday morning
>
> The pallid graduate student exits the advisor's office looking not
> unlike a wet dishrag.  He scuttles into his hellhole of a cubicle,
> avoiding the pitying looks of his office-mates.  His advisor's
> sarcasms are still ringing in his ears.  He softly mutters...
>
>  "Just because a fellow logs 45 hours of rogue in one stinking week."
>
> He brings up Xtrek on the screen but even this panacea fails to
> capture his attention.  The iniquities of his situation are never
> clearer than at this moment.  He mutters unintelligbly for a while,
> and then brightens,
>
>  "I'll fix that so-and-so."
>
> Hours pass, and the student (happy now) pounds away at his terminal.
> His officemates look at him curiously, wondering why he hasn't left as
> yet, but he stays resolutely at his desk.  He is waiting, patiently
> like the stag.  His office-mates look at him curiously, but he avoids
> all attempts at conversation.  At 4:55pm the advisor leaves.  The
> students file away shortly after, but never once is he alone in his
> office; some return later, but he is still there, waiting at his
> terminal.  A few trips to the vending machine for Pepsi and candy bars
> are the only signs of life.  Finally, at 4:02 am the last office-mate
> leaves (after making sure to send some unimportant mail to the entire
> group + advisor before he leaves).
>
> The student waits for 10 more minutes to be sure that his office-mate
> has not forgotten something.  Then he gets to his feet and circles the
> big office, stopping at various terminals before he finds one that
> where someone is still logged on.  Snickering to himself he sits down
>
> bambi.grad-machine(124) su root
> Password:
>
> #
>           "Hee, hee, heeee"
> # su prof
>
> big-shot.grad-machine[1] rsh most-powerful-but-totally-
>                          underutilized-machine-available_only-To-bigshot
>
> Last login: 4 weeks ago
> 1 user, load 0.00, 0.00, 0.00
> big-shot(1) whoami
>   big-shot
>                                     "Can't be too careful"
> big-shot(2) mail oracle@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu
> Subject: tell me
> Hey you Stupid,
>
> Yes, Oracle I'm talking to you.  My grad student says you are
> all-knowing but I think you are a piece of crap.  Far from knowing
> everything, you couldn't pass my 203 exam for sophomores, even if I
> gave you the answers in advance.  You are a total fraud.
>
> My dumb-hick grad student thinks you are all-powerful and can ZOT! me.
> You couldn't ZOT! an amoeba in a toxic waste dump.  I dare you to ZOT!
> me; you wouldn't even be able to ruffle my hair.  Nyah, nyah, nyah, I
> dare you, weakling.
>
> Remember, its my grad student who thinks you are great.  I think you
> are the model for the 97 pound weakling who has sand kicked in his
> face in the Charles Atlas ads.
>
> Ha, Ha, ha... ZOT! me, I double dare you.
>
> Signed,
>
> Big-shot Prof
>
> E-mail: big-shot@cs.NO-name_univ.edu
>
> .
> cc:
> big-shot(3)logout
>
> big-shot.grad-machine[2] logout
>
> # ^D
>
> bambi.grad-machine(125) clear; logout
>
> The graduate student switches off the light and leaves the office.
> For the first time in the last week his face looks peaceful.  Even
> though he is silent it is clear what he is thinking......
>
>  "Muuuaahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} From: THE Oracle, jr. (Automatic answering aid)
} To: big-shot@cs.No_name.edu
} Copies To: grad-student@bambi.cs.No_name.edu
}
} The message from you did not contain any question, so I am returning
} it to both the user of the author and the posting user.
}
} You owe the oracle a question


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