} Dear Sonny,
} Gee, I'm sorry, but your Daddy must not have downloaded
} Oracularities Digest #454 for you. You see, I explained there a few
} days ago that Lisa is a cute little Wuzzle, a Bow-wow-kanga-puss, with
} the head of a cat, the body of a dog, and the pouch and hind legs of a
} kangaroo. I met her in Hollywood, at Toontown, when I was talking to
} some nice movie people...
} Message from email@example.com on tty14 at 15:20 ...
} Hold it right there, mi amigito electronico!! You're violating
} Oracle Prime Directive #2, "Respect the Integrity of the Oracle
} Mythos," and don't think that just because I'm in Barcelona I'm
} not keeping my eye on you! -o-
} Kinzler, what the hell? You can't be writing me from a Bitnet
} node--that's impossible! -o-
} The word "impossible" has no meaning to the man who programmed
} the Oracle, boyo. Anyway, about this response of yours. It's bad
} enough that the Wuzzle answer made the Oracularities in the first
} place, but I'm concerned about loss of Oracular historicity among the
} Supplicants if they're allowed to forget that Lisa began as the
} net.sex.goddess. -o-
} ["Oracular Historicity?" Jeesh!] Now wait a minute, Kinz, you want me
} to tell a FOUR-YEAR-OLD how Lisa and I met? Are you prepared to have
} rec.humor.oracle thrown off the Net in Canada, Louisiana, and half the
} EC countries? You want the McMartin Preschool case to look bush
} league? Holy Jumping J, big guy, YOU were there--or at any rate you
} saw the apartment the next morning... -o-
} Look, Oracle, you can just sort of talk about how you ran into her,
} you don't have to tell the kid what you two were doing half an hour
} later... -o-
} OK, Kinz. Care to translate "leather bar" for me into 4-year-old-ese?
} You don't have to LIE, Orrie--a few well-chosen euphemisms should--
} Kinzler, you just DON'T GET IT! You can turn "Gulliver's Travels" into
} a kid's book by taking out a few Brobdignagian tits and castle-pissing
} scenes, but you're asking me to edit "Behind the Green Door" to a G
} rating, or turn "Fanny Hill" into Nancy Drew! You want truth, dude,
} that's what you'll get, comprendes? "Daddy, Daddy, why is Mister
} Oracle wearing that big belt and that funny collar and putting his--
} OK, calm down, Oracle. Point taken. You're the expert. Me, I'm just
} a humble programmer. 'Nuff said. Time for my Catalan lesson.
} (Private tutor, name of Felicia--oh, later on that...). Carry on,
} boyo. -o-
} Fine, Kinz. And buy yourself a wide sombrero, guy--I think that
} Barcelona sun is warping your judgement lobes. Later. -oo-
} ... and when Roger Rabbit introduced me to Baby Herman his carriage was
} being pushed by the *prettiest* baby-sitter, and her name was Lisa!
} She had always wanted to meet a real Oracle, and ...