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} Getting to that point again, are we?
}
} Many people of the Earth have uttered, "What's the point?" many
} times throughout history. Most of the time, nothing much comes of it.
} However, on rare occasions, something unusual happens.
}
} Here, lemme rewind the history recorder for you so you can see...
}
} <pause>
} .......................................................
} <rewind>
} ...ees nac uoy os uoy rof yrotsih dniwer emmel ,ereH
}
} .sepah lusunu nihtems ,noiscco err n ,rveo
} .i osmchu nho ei h oto ythugr mtn toe tW,rte rhod e
} :romFk skja ddd^%s db 3jk sjkd jksd,s.f alkdf; dkjf " sdjdfj
} dflksd84 fnbxc,c873 fjkskjf akhkew d8i2 dlka dlksajh BDKJGd;lk jkehj
} LKF d fjf wo8e f j dkj hfkjsjgd fd9o2juecb lskdh lgksjgslkf
} ks~r^?{t(w3xxxXXxx <stop>
} <play>
} "What? Where did this sea come from? It wasn't here last
} month!!"
} "Moses! What do we do now?"
} "Look! They're coming!"
} "Swim for it!!!"
} "We'll drown. What's the point?"
} KRACK-OOOMMM!!!
} "What the...? How'd *this* happen?"
} "Who cares? Run!"
} "No one's going to believe us. I hope someone's writing all this
} down..."
}
} <stop>
} <fast forward>
} dkjh diu dkjhfoiuwuLKU GIUDLI teli. ~r~rxxxXXXXxx{_{_^?{w3t($cxnmakj s
} dkj <stop>
} <play>
}
} "Let us give thanks..."
} "Why? He's dead."
} "It's Sunday, and he taught us to do this every week."
} "What for?"
} "He said he'll be back. If he finds us slacking off..."
} "He'll WHAT? They nailed him up Friday, you twit. The man's a
} stiff."
} "But we promised."
} "What you mean *WE*, paleface? We were having a great time until
} *he* came along. Stonings, orgies, making a tidy sum at the temple...
} Then in waltzes this guy fresh off the cart from Bethlehem, next thing
} you know we're taking vows of celibacy, dunking people in the river
} every week, and feeding thousands of people for *free* with herring and
} stale sourdough. I've had it! I'm gonna go have some fun."
} "You're gonna sit down, Thomas, and finish this."
} "Cram it, Peter. He's gone now. What's the point?"
} KA-POWFTHKCHUNKdaboompTHUD!
} "I'm back."
} "Uh, gosh, man, I thought you <ack!> <gag!> <choke!> <cough!>"
} "I find your lack of faith disturbing."
}
} <stop>
} <fast forward>
} fkjd lflk a DKJH KA dl rfoc (*&kjF KJHS d873*&4 J~rw3t(^?{_djh
} ekkkkxx <stop>
} <play>
}
} "FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN, LEND ME YOUR EARS!!"
} "What'd he say?"
} "He said, 'Lend me some beers.'"
} "You sure?"
} "No. The acoustics in this place suck."
} "Yeah, especially since that far wall fell down."
} "THE MAJOR EVENTS OF THE DAY DO FOLLOW!!"
} "What?"
} "The flavored nuts of the bay are shallow."
} "That doesn't make any sense."
} "I know. I hate getting the daily news like this. Why don't
} they just write it down so we can read it?"
} "I don't think there's a stone wall big enough."
} "OUR GLORIOUS EMPORER HAS MET WITH FOREIGN LEADERS..."
} "Our floor penis *what?*"
} "No, our glorious imploder.... Oh, what's the point?"
} chik-CRASH!!
} *rrRRRROOOOOWWWWWWRRRRRRR!!!!*
} "AAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
} "Wow! Where'd that lion come from?"
} "I don't know, but this is much better!"
} "Hey, check out the two guys trying to help."
} "Hey, I know them!"
} "Yeah?"
} "Yeah. The one on the left is Nitrus. The other guy's
} Laserius."
} "Wow, they're really getting into it. They should do this every
} week."
} "Yeah, but who's going to tell us about this news event?"
}
} <stop>
} <fast forward>
} kjdh js kj==fd kd f=04 su jks8376 sjkg ss872*&$6 sh^$32mKJ ~r_[{w3//xxx
} <stop>
} <play>
}
} "So where is it?"
} "Be patient."
} "I've *been* patient. I've been waiting for *months* for the
} sword you promised. And we've been out here in this miserable boat
} each and every night for the past three weeks."
} "The forces of nature are not ours to command."
} "I don't want to command them, just hurry them up a bit."
} "A great leader must know patience, Uther."
} "Merlin, I'm cold, I'm tired, and I'm hungry. Let's call it a
} night."
} "No, we must not lose our resolve."
} "I could pay a page to do this for us."
} "A page is not meant to become King. Now be still and keep
} looking."
} "Oh, what's the point?"
} "DON'T SAY THA..."
} KRACK-SSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
} "THERE IT IS!"
} "Yes, right through the boat. Thanks a whole smegging bunch."
} "I've got it! Get us moving!"
} "Oh, sure. We're sinking, I'm a 900-year-old man, and you're
} wearing full plate armor. Yeah, I can row us to shore. No problem.
} Get a grip."
} "Well, cast a spell or something!"
} "Hmmm.... Okay..."
} *poof!*
} "(hey! what'd you do? what's happened to me?)"
} "I've turned you into a cork. <*plug*> Now keep quiet until I
} get us back..."
}
} <stop>
} <fast forward>
} lksjd *&498ndx8tk3bx6v9ym vc83 g9vh3 69hC84NA84hs fkj
} 389~rxxxxXXXXX^?{_{w3 <stop>
} <play>
}
} "We're headed *WHERE*????"
} "India."
} "But that's *EAST*!!!!"
} "'Ats-a right."
} "But we're sailing *WEST*!!!!"
} "Yous-a pretty smart, aren't ya?"
} "The phrase 'Fucking Moron' comes to mind..."
} "No, look-a here. You see, if yous-a look at the world like-a
} so, then when-a you sail west, yous-a end up on-a the east side."
} "You got some bad salami somewhere, Chris."
} "No, it's-a simple. Look..."
} "I don't have to look! You're an idiot! Everyone knows the
} world is flat!"
} "Ah, yous-a never understand. What's-a the point?"
} KUFFFFFMMMMMPPPPPPCCHHKK!!!!!
} "Good God! LAND!"
} "Hey! Whos-a put-a this *continent* here?"
}
} <stop>
} <fast forward>
} dlkh dfo (*KFD98iukjhg764 fiyTRV O8f8OVFOUfu08O76RHF
} djhxxxxxXXXXX~r~r^? <stop>
} <play>
}
} "What do you think, honey?"
} "It smells *awful*."
} "Horse shit smells worse."
} "Horses also make less noise. What's it supposed to do?"
} "Get in."
} "Okay, but what does it *do*?"
} "Observe, my sweet."
} *lurch*
} "Eeep! We're moving!"
} "Precisely."
} "But how...?"
} "An internal combustion engine. Like a steam engine, only
} without the water."
} "Is this what you've been tinkering with in the shed the past few
} months?"
} "Yep. I just got it working yesterday."
} "How'd you get it out the door?"
} "Er... Uh... Well, that's going to take some explaining..."
} "Henry, this is the stupidest damn thing you've ever done. Look
} out for the horse."
} "Yes, dear."
} "I mean, you've come up with some real doozies in the past...
} Watch for the bicycle..."
} "Yes, dear."
} "But this takes the prize. Look out for the gulley on the
} right..."
} "Yes, dear."
} "I mean, who could possibly be interested in a noisy, smelly,
} horseless carriage? The idea!"
} "Oh, what's the point?"
} "LOOK OUT!"
} CRASHinktkump!!
} "Now, you've done it, Henry."
} "Good afternoon, sir. May I see your license, registration, and
} proof of insurance?"
}
} <stop>
} <fast forward>
} hj fgKJHD^475298%@743$92832^?^G_{w3~rw3t( dhg29^#bsHdkhgskjKd^%^5jn w3
} <stop>
} <play>
}
} "Have you seen the latest sales figures?"
} "Yeah, not bad."
} "Not bad??!? They're terrible!! We should be selling ten times
} as many copies!!"
} "Well, the product is a little overpriced..."
} "Overpriced my ass! We're the standard; where else are they
} going to go?"
} "Yeah, but the package costs almost as much as the machine it
} runs on. And you won't fix the bugs."
} "If I fix the bugs, then the new release will be *incompatible*
} with the old one, and I'll have to rewrite all my programs."
} "What are you doing writing programs that depend on buggy
} behavior?"
} "Hey, I know how the interpreter works internally, so I can
} write code to make the best of it. If I change it, they won't run as
} well."
} "But everyone else's will run better."
} "So what? We're in this to make money. If they don't like our
} BASIC, they can go somewhere else."
} "That's not why everyone else is in this business..."
} "They're all egalitarian idiots. We'll be around long after
} they're dead and gone."
} "But they're doing cool stuff."
} "Are they making money? What's their price/earnings ratio?
} What's their annual profit? Hell, they don't even know what that stuff
} means."
} "You don't get it, do you?"
} "No, *you* don't get it. Egalitarianism is not the way to do
} business. Why *give* them something when they want it so bad they're
} willing to *pay* for it? Why waste resources fixing bugs when it's not
} going to improve sales? We aren't in this for our health..."
} "Oh, what's the point?"
} KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
} t-chk-chk
} "Yes?"
} "Mr. Gates?"
} "Yes..."
} "We're from IBM. We'd like to contract you to do an operating
} system for a new computer we're building. Can you write it?"
} "No, but I can buy someone else's and kluge it up a bit..."
} "Great, that'll do. Thanks."
} "Sure. See ya."
} "Bill, you're the luckiest damn sum-bitch on the face of the
} Earth."
} "Ain't I, though?"
}
} <stop>
} <fast forward>
} jhg875JV 7 tgfjhgf 86 h*&^%65V u% CFUS76~rw3t(_{^?{^?{dkj&35nzBax
} <stop>
} <play>
}
} % mail oracle@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu
} Subject: tell me
}
} Oh Oracle Most Pointed, Who knows that the word "point" refers not
} only to the unit of measurement of type but also to the 1/100th part
} of a carat: What's the point?
} ^D
} Cc:
} %
} "Excuse me, are you the, uh, 'sysadmin'?"
} "Yes, ma'am. May I help you?"
} "Someone told me you can show me how to get on Usenet?"
} "Oh sure, just type 'rn' at the percent prompt."
} "Okay.... Uh...."
} "Is there something else?"
} "Well, yes, there is, but it's a little embarrassing..."
} "Go ahead, nothing fazes me. That's why I have this job."
} "Well.... Um.... How do I get to the bondage stuff?"
} "You mean alt.sex.bondage?"
} "I guess..."
} "That's easy; let me show you..."
} *tick tick tap tick tap tap tick*
} "...And then you type 'g alt.sex.bondage' and you're there."
} "Great. You sure this is okay? It's not going to upset anyone?"
} "Well, if this were Canada, it might, but it doesn't bother me.
} I read it myself sometimes when I'm not busy."
} "You do?"
} "Yeah, occasionally..."
} "I never knew *anyone* else who was into that."
} "Well, I'm not really 'into' it in a really deep sense..."
} "Could you tell me what you know?"
} "...Uh.... Well, you can do that on the net..."
} "I'd much rather talk about it with someone I know."
} "You didn't know me three minutes ago..."
} "Yeah.... But I'd feel much more comfortable if_yt(ou ~rhw3elped
} ^?{me ~rg~rw3t(_{_{^?&^%83dhagg
}
} *snap* *flp flp flp flp flp flp flp flp...*
}
} Damn.
}
} You owe The Oracle a tape splicer.
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