> Dear Mr. Oracle:
> I've got another one for ya. This one's a biggie - It may
> just get me out of this joint. I need a reply soon.
> Earlier today I was sittin in my cell, just sittin there
> wondering when I'm gonna get out, and telling myself that that
> one night just wasn't worth it. Just then the guard comes in
> and tells me to go on with him. "HE wants you now, so move
> yer stinkin butt," he says.
> So I'm walking along with 'im, and I'm wondering, I wonder
> see what they're goin to do to me. I figure they're gonna
> finally get around to choppin' my gulliver clean off, and I was
> pretty damn spooked. Then I thinks they might just be moving
> me to another jail. I don't know what to think about that one
> - my prison is pretty crowded and smells clean through of
> rottin camel shit, but I got a good racket goin there and
> I'm wondering if I can start over in this new hole in the
> desert dat they're gonna throw me in.
> But then I sees that we're goin to the palace. I bolt
> off in a run (I know they're going to make a eunich out of me)
> but there are guards prowling all around in the place and I get
> meself grabbed agin, whit a 'nock on the head for my trouble.
> When I come to, I see I'm in the throne room, and the
> Pharoah is there a lookin me over. Then he starts talking to
> me, and I knows that I'm not going to be killed, moved, or
> get my nutts chopped off:
> "Listen here. I heard about you, and I want you to answer
> something for me."
> [I figure the cupbearer told him about me, and it's about fucking
> time he did. A smooth operation, though, that one - you did a
> nice clean job of that one, yessir.]
> "I had these two dreams last night - and I want *you* to
> interpret them for me"
> "What if I can't?"
> "Then I'll chop your nutts off and through you in the hareem."
> "Uh, uh..., okay, shoot."
> "In this first dream, see, I saw coming out of the Nile these
> stalks of grain. The grain was strange - not only did they not
> smell like piss and embalming fluid like the Nile, but these
> mothers were huge. Then I saw these small shitty things crawl
> out of the Nile, ugly as hell, and after a while I see that they're
> these small diseased grain stalks. And the shitty stalks went and
> ate the big plump grain things."
> "How many stalks were there, your high lordship?"
> "Hell, I don't know! Six or seven of each, maybe. Who
> fucking cares?"
> "Uh.. not me."
> "Good. Now in the second dream, there were these cows."
> "Cows. Big, huge, muscular cows. Oh, these cows were beautiful,
> with big well build bodies.. oh.. yeah.. with big, huge -"
> "No need to get too bogged down in details, your grace! Please..
> "Ooh, ah.. okay. Then came out of the Nile these small, diseased,
> filth ridden cow thingies. I'm not sure if they were cows are not.
> The things were so thin, they almost looked Ethiopian. And these
> maggot-infested cows started munching on the studly cows. You
> should have seen the blood. Ribs, livers, all those stomachs..."
> "I see, your royal jackalness. Is that it?"
> "Yes. I told this dream to all my wise men, and none of them
> could answer it. I hope you can, because my hareem is getting
> rather crowded, if you know what I mean. The girls feel outnumbered."
> "Yes, sir, excactly. I know precisely what you mean. Hareem
> overcrowding... yes, always a problem, sir."
> "So interpret the dreams already. I want this cleared up
> before lunch."
> "Yes... yes, the interpretation. Quite a good idea, to have
> it cleared up before lunch. Yes, very wise... Can I use your
> "What? Yeah, sure, it's ten blocks down the hall.."
> "Hey, thanks. It'll only be a minute."
> So they're ya have it, Mr. Oracle. The bathroom is getting rather
> full of eunichs and I have to get back to the Pharoah soon. What
> should I tell him? I know you've helped me out of stickier things
> before, and is there a way in which I can come out on top?
> Your unworthy supplicant,