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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Are the rumours true that the Oracle is really a secret artificial > intelligence project being run by a renegade group of psychology and > computer science professors?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No sirree. Nope. Not at all.  Of course not.  What a silly thought. } Not renegades, anyway.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> tell me who are you?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} All wisdom I've kept, } Truth flows from my pen. } I rest not (except, } For a nap now and then). } } Most holy and blessed, } I've lived for all time. } I state truth (when not pressed } By the need for a rhyme). } } So though all my meanings you often may miss, } Although I have made many sob, } If I answered you guys any clearer than this, } I soon would be out of a job.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Is it true that Albert Einstein was actually experimenting with a crude > form of LSD when he "discovered" relativity?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes, it is very true.  It seems that the 'intellectual' drug of choice } was either aspirin or coka cola.  He was actually the inventor of LSD } but that information has been overshadowed by his other accomplishments. } Albert Einstein is the father of relativity and the mother of invention } and the bastard son of LSD.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why are they still making pennies?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       Why are they asking pennies?  For a very simple reason, } imagine what you would sound like if they stopped... }       "A penny for your thoughts" }       "A penny a day keeps the doctor paid" }       "A penny saved is a penny earned" }       "Love is like a magic penny" } }       If there were no longer pennies, then you would sound like an } old fart (even if thou art already), and besides, would you really } want to go to the trouble of explaining what a penny was whenever you } used one of these phrases. }       Besides, cashiers have to be able to get their revenge for } making change for a twenty some way.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> We've all heard of rhetorical questions.  What would be a rhetorical > answer?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} This is a rhetorical answer: wouldn't that be a rhetorical question?

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie - pop?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Surgeon General warns that licking to the center of a tootsie-pop } may cause cancer, heart disease, birth defects, and } obsessive-compulsive disorder.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> So, I asked you "is a zebra a black animal with white stripes, or a > white animal with black stripes?" and you responded with a Null Answer. > What gives?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       So I answered with a proper response, considering the } question.  A zebra is neither a black animal with white stripes nor a } white animal with black stripes, and thus the answer of the Null } Answer.  I was under the impression that this was obvious, and so did } not wish to humiliate you with an answer... }       However, since you require me to belabor the obvious, a zebra, } as everyone knows, is a purple paisley animal with black *and* white } stripes.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh hippopotamic one, tell me, If I am driving my car at the speed of > light, and I turn on my headlights, will they make any difference ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} An interesting question - and most original.  Did you think it up all by } yourself ?  What a creative mind you must have. } } The answer, though, is obvious.  To achieve the speed of light in your } car for just a fraction of a section would require vast amounts of fuel. } Since the capacity of your car's petrol tank will cater for a minute } portion of this massive fuel requirement it is therefore impossible for } you to achieve this speed anyway.  So turning your lights on in that } situation is an impossibility therefore the answer is nothing would } happen because you couldn't have done it in the first place. } } Were you to achieve this speed (for the sake of the mental exercise) the } answer becomes :  "It depends if you are in drive or reverse gear."

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I spend 3 hours reading News & Mail each day, how can I reduce this > time ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Buy a portable terminal, leap into hyperspace and you'll be able to read } them in MINUS three hours...  but why should you read News & Mail when } there is a real Oracle available?

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Does the Oracle have a physical existence?  Is it based on our planet? > Does it like da-chen chicken?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Oracle looks much like the 90-year-old white-haired moron dwarf } called Otto Metzger who used to sell matches at the Berliner } Hauptbahnhof in the 1890s, except that the Oracle is much older, taller } and more intelligent. } } At the moment, the Mighty Oracle is lying badly beaten in a cell at the } HQ of the Albanian Secret Service in Tirana. } } Does ANYONE like da-chen chicken?