} Quickly now, as soon as you've finished reading my reply, rush down to
} the basement of your office building, and go into the lumber room
} (it's the fourth door on the left). Switch on the light. You'll see
} a large brown rat cowering in the corner where a mangy alley cat is
} about to attack it. You'll find a chunk of brick handy; sling it at
} the cat and make sure you aim true.
} The moment the rat sees that its enemy is destroyed, it will come
} toward you unafraid and say, "Lucky human, you have saved my life, and
} earned the undying gratitude of Ben, the King of the Sewer Rats. Take
} this little copper whistle, and whenever you are in trouble near a
} toilet, blow a blast upon it, and you can be never so far but my
} people will hear you and come to your aid."
} Thank King Ben profusely and return to your floor. Now, you could
} save the little copper whistle until you're set upon by a mugger in
} the airport restroom, or a persistent would-be skin flautist in the
} city park men's room, but you want your sunglasses back. Go down the
} hall to the bathroom. Lean over one of the unclogged toilets and blow
} a sharp blast on the whistle.
} Instantly a half dozen large, noble-looking sewer rats will leap up
} through the bowl. The leader will bow to you and say "Rattus Primus
} at your service. What is your need?" You show the rats to the
} offending bowl and point to your sunglasses, appeal in your face.
} Rattus Primus stands with his brow wrinkled, as if in meditation.
} He then turns to his companions and says, "Lads, you heard the human
} who bears the copper whistle. What say you?"
} A wizened gray rat pipes up. "Boss, this asshole called us all the
} way up here to fetch a pair of two-dollar K-Mart shades out of a pile
} of shit! I say we waste him!"
} Rattus Primus nods sagely, and six pairs of battle-sharpened teeth
} are at your legs, your throat, your face...
} Moral: Never trust a sewer rat playing roles from Aesop. Or an Oracle
} tired of being treated like a doormat.