557-06 (4djb4 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: David Sewell <firstname.lastname@example.org>
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> Dear Oracle,
> I just received an answer to a question, and I wanted to let
> you know that I am very dissatisfied. I don't know if this
> jibberish was produced by a pathetic attempt at an automated
> question answerer, or by a particularly illiterate priest, but
> either way, you need to change the way things are run over
> there. I've enclosed the question and answer, so that you can
> judge for yourself.
> Your Faithful (but disgruntled) Servant,
> - Edgar
> The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
> Your question was:
> > Dear Oracle,
> > I dropped a really important paper down a sewer drain
> > in the street, and I really need to get it back. It's not there
> > anymore, because it was raining at the time, and there was
> > a pretty good flow of water going down there. Could you
> > tell me where it is and how I would go about getting it back?
> > Thanks very much.
> > Your faithful servant,
> > Edgar
> And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> } Dear Edgar,
> } Regarding the paper you dropped, I dot think it were that important.
> } As you probably know, I, The OmniOmnious Oracle, knows everything.
> } Terefore I knows that the paper you dropped were a contract to buy
> } an Immensely Big Machine-maker. And I also knows that it is loosing
> } millions by the day, and your transactoin with that firm would have
> } been a disaster.
> } If you still wants your paper back, I recommend looking in the Water,
> } because you lost the paper into Water, you shall find the paper in
> } Water.
> } There are certain rituals you could go through to gain your paper
> } back:
> } 1. Buy a green apple, and spit in 13 equally big parts.
> } 2. Say Mumbo-Jumbo-Toilet-Paper-And-Carrots-In-The-Dark
> } 3. Get hold of DOS 1.1 and install it on the nearest PC.
> } 4. Install the same DOS 1.1 on a VAX 7000 minicomputer
> } 5. Move a terminal to the VAX you just installed DOS on
> } and the PC with DOS 1.1 on close together.
> } 6. Run X-Windows on both computers while saying this spell:
> } I Will Never Eat dogs anymore
> } I Will Give The Oracle Half Of what I own
> } If the Oracle Ask me to do So
> } PC's and WAXes are Equal
> } It Always Rains in Sahara
> } And I'm all Moronity of the World In Person
> } 7. Put ten silver forks in the back of an African Zebra
> } while ridong on a black Leopard
> } This should work. (It may not behave exactly as it is planned, as it
> } is version 1.0)
> } You owe the Oracle prof of purchase of recycling equipment to all the
> } public sewer installations of the world.
} Thank you, faithful servant, for bringing this matter to my attention.
} Since I do know all, it was, strictly speaking, unnecessary, but
} welcome nonetheless.
} Our automated question answerers in the past have indeed been less than
} life-like, but the preisthood have improved matters considerably, and
} now even I have a hard time telling if it is Oracle, or just Memorex.
} ("Memorex is a registered trademark of the 3M Corporation.")
} Naturally, of course, this response is being personally written by me,
} since you are one of my most faithful servants.
} Rest assured that the priest responsible for programming the automated
} question answerer that composed the reposnse to your last question has
} been stoned. Stoned to his soul. Stoned me like a jelly roll. And it
} stoned me. Oh the water, oh the water, oh the water! Hope it don't
} rain all day. And it stoned me to my soul