} That depends a lot on whether you are the quizzer or the quizzee. For
} instance, a topic which would send the quizzee into a palpitating,
} sweat-drenched frenzy would, in the parlance of quizzers, be described
} as "a good topic," whereas the quizzee might use phraseology along the
} lines of "the demon rat-f*cking quiz from Dante's Ninth Circle."
} Since it is obvious that you are a quizzee, you are most pathetically
} at the mercy of the quizzer, who unfortunately gets to define what good
} topics are, since they write the freakin' things. Since your intent is
} to divine topics which might appear on upcoming quizzes, here are a few
} that might cross your path:
} 1. Title: The sex lives of doorknobs in 19th century Vladivostok.
} 2. Describe the psychological profile of three different classes of
} people who might ask the Usenet Oracle the "W**dch**k Question." Also,
} list at least three ways in which the Oracle might creatively <ZOT>
} them. Describe any necessary details such as flames lapping at people's
} eyeballs, imploding skulls, etc. to a satisfactory level of gore.
} 3. Title: Antimatter, Foot Fetishes, and You.
} 4. Using standard principles of historical linguistics, postulate two
} terms which could develop in the next century to supplant the currently
} used word "toejam" and all of its synonyms.
} 5. If a chicken-and-a-half lays an egg-and-a-half in a
} day-and-a-half, how long does it take a monkey with a wooden leg to
} kick all of the seeds out of a dill pickle? What if you take air
} resistance into account? Relativistic effects?
} 6. Title: Roaches as an Alternative Food Source for the year 2000.
} 7. What are the historical reasons why hackers wear blue jeans, heavy
} boots, T-shirts, open flannel shirts, and wire-frame glasses? Does
} this have any bearing on their continual inability to get laid?
} 8. Define the act of definition. (Note: Anyone entering a
} paradoxical loop of infinite regression will receive no credit for the
} 9. Compare and constrast the literary styles of Art Buchwald and God.
} Which author (or Author) do you think is funnier? Which do you think
} gives more political insight into modern issues? Is it blasphemy to
} say that Art Buchwald has better editors? (People struck by lightning
} during this question will be graded only on their work up until the
} 10. If you were to ask the Usenet Oracle what a good topic for a quiz
} would be, what would he say? How do you know? Are you omniscient,
} too? If so, why are you still in school? If not, how does it feel to
} be such a lowly mortal.
} You owe the Oracle the blood which escapes from your pores during the
} next quiz. Ta ta...