} Silly mortal! Simply look beyond whence you have looked. For your
} convenience, I have cited your last conditional, and will pick up from
} If I do not graduate I will go to Arizona and get a job as consulting
} engineer on a space-habitat research project.
} If I go to Arizona and get a job as consulting engineer on a
} space-habitat research project, I will do such impressive work that
} the company in Arizona will hire me full-time.
} If I do such impressive work that the company in Arizona will hire me
} full time I will meet my future wife, a sexy and sharp scientist
} who will lavish me with love and affection and give great head.
} If I meet my future wife, a sexy and sharp scientist who will
} lavish me with love and affection and give great head I will have
} the self-confidence necessary to propell myself into the position
} of coordinator of the space-habitat research project.
} If I have the self-confidence necessary to propell myself into the
} position of coordinator of the space-habitat research project, I
} will eventually work my way up as a corporate executive.
} If I work my way up as a corporate executive, I will have to lay off
} seven people next year, including my wife, due to government budget
} cuts in the space-habitat research project.
} If I lay off seven people next year, including my wife, due to
} government budget cuts in the space-habitat research project, my
} wife will resent me, subject me to crude sexual insults and file
} for divorce.
} If my wife resents me, subjects me to crude sexual insults and files
} for divorce, I will become depressed and start drinking.
} If I become depressed and start drinking, I will soon lose my job with
} the company in Arizona.
} If I lose my job with the company in Arizona I will seek alcohol
} counseling, find my way back to school, and finish that damn speech
} class that I needed to graduate in the first place.
} If I seek alcohol counseling, find my way back to school, and finish
} that damn speech class that I needed to graduate in the first
} place, I will graduate.
} I know it's tough to give up a corporate exec position, and yes, your
} future wife will be able to suck a golf ball through twenty feet of
} garden hose, but if you want my advice, sacrifice these things, get
} off your lazy ass and finish the fuckin' speech right now.
} You owe the Oracle a twenty minute discussion on the virtues of
} conditional statements in logic and reasoning. And your
} ex-future-ex-wife's phone number. And a golf ball. And twenty feet
} of garden hose.