} First I would like to make it absolutely clear that it wasn't me. If I
} had been given the task of inventing government, WHICH I might add, I
} put in a tender for, I would have made a much better job of it. Just
} like all the other things that I tendered for and they were given to
} someone else. I mean look at the universe we live in, the light doesn't
} even travel fastest in straight lines near heavy objects. And look at
} those black holes sucking up whole civilisations and compressing them
} into their component matter. That's the kind of universe you get when
} everything is created by the lowest bidder. And then there're *some*
} deities I could name who weren't even members of a recognised union.
} But, I must get off my soapbox. You did grovel quite nicely, so I
} should give you a straight answer.
} Government. Well, before democracy government was much simpler. Anyone
} who disagreed with the ruling forces was taken out and clubbed to
} death/shot (delete where unapplicable). Unless of course they had more
} clubs/trained mammoths/men than the ruling forces whereupon the ruling
} forces were taken out and clubbed to death/shot.
} This workable if slightly unsophisticated state of affairs continued
} until ancient Greece, when they tried a bold new experiement -
} democracy. The idea was that each person had a 'vote', and whoever
} received the most 'votes' would be the ruler. And no-one had to be
} taken out and killed, unless their name was "Socrates" (ancient greek
} meaning 'troublemaker'). Nostalgia suggests that this was the golden
} age of democracy, but unfortunately it wasn't so. Not having
} interlinked computers across the nation, Greek pollsters counted the
} votes by weighing them. Unfortunately poor people had to write their
} votes on papayrus, while rich people had them carved on large blocks of
} Italian Marble. So you can see, ancient Greek democracy was
} surprisingly similar to our own.
} Democracy continued to evolve down the ages. During the French
} revolution, greater equality was obtained by putting to death by
} guillotine all those noted of having large blocks of marble
} suspiciously hanging around their palaces. This selfsame marble was
} later used to construct the Statue of Liberty. It is a little known
} fact that one naughty French marble carver carved "Reagan" on one of
} the interior stones. And lo and behold, many years later a B-Movie
} actor was elected to the highest office in the land known as America.
} Worse is yet to come though as one of the great marble arches of the
} Sydney Opera house has "Kylie" carved on it.
} Later on in England a special form of democracy was established with an
} upper and lower house. The lower house, elected from among the
} graduates of Eton, would suggest changes to the law. The upper house
} (the 'House of Lords') would refuse. Apart from pay rises of course.
} This is why the walled city of Chester still has a law in effect that
} three or more Welshmen found within the city walls at night are judged
} to be plotting to overthrow the city and are to be put to death and
} hung outside the gate to warn off other Welshmen. Fortunately however,
} English policemen are even less efficient than the English parliament,
} and few Welshmen are hung outside the gates nowdays.
} At a similar time Americans were getting back to things the way they
} used to be. The British were the rulers, the Americans had more guns,
} so the British were taken out and shot. Apart from three Welshmen who
} managed to escape. Sadly however, after bravely rowing across the
} atlantic in a small boat and facing legion unknown terrors and
} deprivations (and forgetting to register this with the Guiness book of
} records), they came ashore near Chester. This, just after the local
} policeman had been told off for not making enough arrests.
} Back in America the perfect democracy was being crafted. Unfortunately,
} after lodging the documents with the law firm of Grabbe, Muny & Wrun,
} the founding fathers were presented with a bill for $245,987,
} comprising of $35 fees for writing a letter and $245,952 for
} "research". Unable to pay the bill all of the founding fathers found
} their incomes stopped and their bank accounts closed by legal orders
} issued by this firm. Not able to regain their documents the founding
} fathers gathered around a table and wrote down as much as they could
} remember. And, that is how America came to have the government that it
} does today.
} Research into government still continues. Some governmental systems,
} such as that in Burma, are now so complex that even five or six years
} after an election a change of government still has not taken place.
} Al Gore's plans to reinvent government are, of course, directly related
} to this story. It is a little known fact that Al Gore's maternal
} grandmother's name is 'Grabbe', and that Al Gore is sitting on the
} original documents confiscated from the founding fathers. These
} documents describe how a government can be formed that would be fair
} and just, and give rich and poor equal control over their destiny.
} Which is why you can be sure that no action will ever be taken to
} reinvent government along these lines.
} You owe the Oracle a 5 metre * 10 metre * 20 metre block of Marble.