} I am doing today the same way I do most days. I have many
} responsibilites, not the least of which is answering questions from
} unruly supplicants. I do days like this:
}
} 00:00 Answer questions, simultaneous examine every particle in universe
} (just to make sure nothing goes wrong).
}
} 01:00 Answer questions, simultaneous development of theoremproducing
} device, solving of Turing halting problem.
}
} 02:00 Answer questions, simultaneous reading of all literature in the
} universe, plus analysis and critiquing (everyone's a critic).
}
} 03:00 Answer questions, simultaneous routine maintenance of spacetime
} continuum (needs a tweak every now and then, you know).
}
} 04:00 Answer questions, simultaneous go to bathroom. If some of the
} answers sometimes seem strained, you'll now know why.
}
} 05:00 Answer questions, give policy advice at Gods' Meeting.
}
} 06:06.6 Answer questions, simultaneous give policy advice at
} Demons' Meeting.
}
} 07:00 Answer questions, simultaneous start Gateswatch. Gateswatch will
} be maintained until 0:00, when Bill Gates sleeps. I should try
} stealing his teddy bear sometime.
}
} 08:00 Answer questions, simultaneous eat breakfast.
}
} 09:00 Answer questions, simultaneous learn 6502 assembly language (just
} a hobby, you understand.)
}
} 10:00 Answer questions, simultaneous do consulting work for Thanatos.
}
} 11:00 Answer questions, simultaneous codification of Omnipotents'
} Policy, as determined by meetings.
}
} 12:00 Answer questions, simultaneous eat lunch.
}
} 13:00 Answer questions, simultaneous send devious messages into the
} brains of the world leaders (which should, in part, explain their
} behaviour).
}
} 14:00 Answer questions, simultaneous use toilet. Should not have
} consumed that many martinis at one sitting (record 24553).
}
} 15:00 Answer questions, simultaneous conference of Dead Scientists.
} Today's topic: Alan Turing, and Ramifications of Oracular AI
} Simulation.
}
} 16:00 Answer questions, simultaneous watch The Young and The Restless.
} (Hey, we all have our vices.)
}
} 17:00 Answer questions, simultaneous proposition and make use of the
} services of a sexual surrogate. (That's one of my other vices.)
}
} 18:00 Answer questions, simultaneous eat dinner.
}
} 19:00 Answer questions, simultaneous taking of antacid tablets.
} Evidently, you have to wait longer than an hour after sex before
} eating. Kind of like swimming, in reverse.
}
} 20:00 Answer questions, simultaneous poker game, with God, Satan,
} Thanatos (Death).
}
} 21:00 Answer questions, simultaneous start pub crawl.
}
} 22:00 Answer questions, simultaneous put fake antennae on my head, then
} travel to secluded locations and frighten locals by prancing
} around and making beepbeep noises. This is the sort of thing I
} do when I'm drunk. I did this to Douglas Adams, once, but he was
} also drunk, and wrote about it in a truly remarkable book called
} The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
}
} 23:00 Answer questions, simultaneous lean over the toilet and puke
} until my nose bleeds. Now I'm ready to start the day.
}
} You owe the Oracle a really good hangover cure. And a deck of
} marked cards. Satan cheats at poker, you know. And if you know
} anything about that halting problem, give me a call.
