} ME? I'm the one who's answering the question!
} Obvoiusly you have no idea what the Oracle means. Let me explain.
} You see, if the Oracle's questions were all answered by a single
} person, or even a group of people in some CS lab, not only would
} this/these person/people be overwhelmed with work, but the chances of
} getting certain questions answered would be slim if they fell outside
} of these people's range of knowledge... Considering the Oracle is
} located in a hick state like Indiana, the only questions that don't get
} answered would be woodchuck questions, since Indianans know woodchucks
} better than Nature origiannly intended them to. Questions on how to
} meet chicks in the CS labs would go unanswered, because the thought
} wouldn't occur to these people to go OUT of the CS labs.
} As a result, the entire Oracle system is spread through an email system
} where your questions get sent to people who probably just sent out
} the same question you just asked. And as a result, you get a nice,
} humorous response that differs in style every time you consult the
} Oracle, since a single supplicant's questions rarely get sent to the
} same user twice. You might get a response from a comic genius who
} delives you a hilarious pee-your-pants response AND answers your
} question, or you could get some dumb guy with no clue who simply
} replies "hay how cum i hav to replie 2 mesages im the one with the
} ???s!"... which is usually the case.
} Besides, nothing is free. If you expect someone to answer a stupid
} question for you, you might as well answer someone else's stupid
} questions. If there were just a select group of people who answered
} all the stupid questions you had, your sum of knowledge would amount
} only to this group's knowledge. This group could plant messages
} in your mind, subliminal messages, that might be a part of a grand
} scheme of theirs. They could eventually coax you into delivering a
} pint of nitroglycerin to a parking lot, or they could brainwash you
} into re-electing Clinton. When knowledge only comes from one source,
} that source has absolute power, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
} Another reason you have to answer other people's questions is,
} we are all guinea pigs in a sick project by cs.indiana.edu.
} While we're running around like chickens with our heads cut off,
} answering each other's dumb questions and avenging each other with
} even dumber ones, the people at cs.indiana.edu are putting the most
} entertaining of us on display, like caged animals, on the Usenet
} newsgroup "rec.humor.oracle". We're performing for them like trained
} animals, jumping through hoops.
} Finally, if you're lucky, the question sent to you will have a nice
} grovel in it. "O Oracle whose IQ, if written down, would wipe out
} the rain forest"... that kind of thing. It's a real ego trip. and
} if they don't grovel, you can ZOT them, like this...
} ///// ||||| \\\\\
} / | | \
} !!! / | | \ !!!
} / | | \
} ///// ||||| \
} That's what you get for being stupid!
} You owe the Oracle a pint of nitroglycerin, in the parking lot on 23rd
} and Van Buren.