} Well, Elias, you currently inhabit a universe in which the machine
} called y1.sdsc.edu does not exist. Which is probably just as well,
} since in the universe where the machine does exist, Pat Boone has been
} President for 14 years now. In _your_ universe, the IP address
} 22.214.171.124 is assigned to an old IBM PC belonging to Serdar Argic;
} the reason you can't get to it is that most of the time, it is running
} a self-booting, pirated copy of Zork III.
} In order to obtain your friend's e-mail address, the Oracle sagely
} advises that you:
} telnet to rs.internic.net
} and then:
} type "whois"
} and next,
} type "dom bell"
} You will now see that this command does not give you a domain for Bell
} Labs, let alone for Bell Labs in Ohio.
} But don't despair. There's more.
} Now you need to type "quit" twice, since the InterNIC requires strict
} adherence to ritual.
} Next, you should call up your newsreader, and crosspost to as many
} groups as possible, preferably including alt.config, news.groups,
} news.admin, alt.flame, alt.fan.rush-limbaugh, alt.folklore.urban,
} alt.peeves, alt.fan.robert.mcelwaine, soc.motss, alt.fan.lemurs,
} alt.personals.bondage, alt.ted.frank.troll.troll.troll, alt.discordia,
} alt.revisionism, alt.exploding.kibo, and alt.religion.kibology, a post
} that makes the following request:
} Oh great LEADER KiBo, O wi$e and LEARNED leaDer kibO, O seXXXy and
} wonderful LEADER KIBO, O BENEvoLENT and munifiCENT architeCt of
} HappyNet, PLEA$E iMPART tO mE yOUR sAGE wI$DOM! and tellme what hank
} modnars at bell labs in ohios email adress is!
} Be sure to mention Vicki Robinson in your .sig. This part is very
} Next, you must display a GIF of Sam Kinison on your monitor, get up
} from your chair, and draw a pentagram using your own blood on the
} floor. Draw a circle around the pentagram, and place a single black
} candle, lit, at each point of the pentagram. Stand in the middle of
} the pentagram and chant "I _do_ believe in ghosts! I _do_ believe in
} ghosts! I _do_ believe in ghosts!"
} Then, pick up your phone, call Hank Modnar, and ask him for his
} e-mail address.
} Done in the proper order, these actions _should_ yield the proper
} result. Attention to detail is necessary.
} You owe the Oracle a shave and a haircut, or two bits, whichever comes
} first. Void where prohibited.