} Your theory, while plausible, is in fact incorrect. The true story is
} more complicated:
} Way, way back, many centuries ago, when sagas were still being written,
} and dinosaurs roamed the earth, and you could still ride the subway for
} a nickel, a giant arose out of the sea, and began to wreak havoc
} throughout the land. This Giant was over one hundred fathoms tall, with
} arms and legs of brass, a body of steel, and a head of solid adamant;
} consequently, he could wreak a great deal of havoc.
} It seemed that all was lost. But then, as the Giant turned towards the
} City, intending to devour it whole, a column of sparkly light appeared
} in the City Square, and as the light faded, a figure was seen to be
} standing there. It was a man, in dark trousers and a golden shirt, and
} he spake a few words of paradox to the Giant, who promptly collapsed
} in a heap of contradiction. The man then vanished as he had appeared,
} in a column of sparkly light.
} Ever since, that unknown hero has been worshipped throughout the land.
} Different sects, however, disagree as to what his name was. Some call
} him Kirk, and set up places of worship (Khurkhes) in his honor. Some
} call him James, and every four years celebrate his bravery by holding
} enormous Jimnastic competitions in honor of this great hero (the Olympic
} One group however, claims to have special knowledge of the true Heroic
} Name. They are the followers of Monger the Magnificent, who claims
} to have followed the Giant-Killer to his celestial ship. There he saw
} the Hero of the Square in all his glory, commanding four hundred men
} and women -- and other strange wights, including a strange, sallow
} being with pointed ears and eyebrows. Still more amazing were the
} magical inanimate objects under his command, including machines that
} could solve mathematical problems and play chess, chambers that moved
} of their own volition around the ship, and doors that opened of their
} own accord.
} It was these last that told Monger the true name of the Hero. For
} every time the Hero would approach a door, the door would open to
} let him by, and then close again once he was through. And every
} time they did this, they softly whispered his name: "Frsh-fsh."
} To this day, the followers of Monger (who are few in number, but hange
} around in marketplaces a lot) still invoke the great Heroic Name
} at every possible opportunity.
} You owe the Oracle 1,771,561 tribbles.