} Hyde Jurassets, D. Duct, N. Pray
} Tax Consultants and Accounting
} Dear Sir,
} As the USENET Oraclce is currently undergoing an IRS audit all
} tax questions are being forwarded to us.
} The oracle is in a unique tax situation as most of his income results
} from payment in kind. Our position as his tax preparers is that many
} of these payments are actually services to the individual supplicant
} required for the enlightenment and training of same and that the Oracle
} receives little or no fiscal value from such renumeration. The IRS, on
} the other hand, insists, based on POLICY that taxes be paid based on
} actual undiscounted retail. When none exists they arbitrarily assign
} value based on "standard industry practice".
} Several cases which illustrate the problems we are trying to overcome
} during these proceedings follow.
} CASE1:payment- A duck that flies backwards while quacking
} inna-gadda-davida. IRS value assigned- $2000 for performing
} Our contention was that the particular qualities required of the
} duck were to train the supplicant of the folly of the late
} sixties hippie generation. The actual value to the oracle as
} itemized in his return was listed at $12.99 as the animal was
} roasted upon receipt.
} CASE2:payment- A better mousetrap.
} IRS value assigned- $150,000 based on similar improvements in
} other appliances.
} We contend that the Oracle received no actual value from this
} device as he has no problem with the particular rodent involved,
} has no plans to market the device as the world already beats an
} electronic path to his door, and has no other use for the device.
} CASE3:payment- Bill Clinton's little black book.
} IRS value-$1,000,000 based on offer from The National Enquirer.
} This payment was for the supplicant's own good to keep his mind
} on the campaign and out of his pants. Lisa burned the book on
} Until the Oracle's tax affairs are straightened out, he can answer no
} further tax questions. However, the services of our firm are available
} at reasonable rates. We are licensed, bonded, and endorsed by the
} USENET Oracle.
} Hyde Jurassets, Sr. Partner.
} By the way, you owe the Oracle some cold hard cash. We'll bill you.