} The Oracular Consumer Watch Action Group (OCWAG) investigated your
} complaint by contacting SexSoRealCo. Their spokesmodel, "Buffy"
} LaTour, gave the following written statement:
} x x x
} 15 April
} From: SexSoRealCo. "Makers of Fine 'Experiences'"
} To: OCWAG; c/o The Usenet Oracle
} Dear Sirs:
} All of SexSoRealCo.'s products have built-in DePrivacyGuard(tm)
} algorithms, which, when activated by sounds obviously not generated
} by the user (a door opening, somebody else's voice, etc.) remove
} the active simulation and replace it with a non-sexually related
} one, in order to protect the user's privacy and health.
} This guard of one's actions was first developed for various
} computer games, to allow the players to seem to be doing productive
} work when a supervisor was present, but it had to be manually
} activated. The DePrivacyGuard(tm) is fully automated, an asset
} which allows the user to concentrate on his action at hand. It cannot
} be overridden, but has the advantage of detecting intrusions before
} the user might.
} The scene from the LarryHolmesTron(tm) is the pilot software product
} of our affiliated venture, RealLiveSportsCo. Researchers have found
} the LarryHolmesTron(tm) and similar high-intensity sports simulators
} to relieve stress in the workplace, and can be found in the board
} rooms and gymnasiums of many Fortune 500 corporations. We are very
} proud of this new venture, and I hope your client can understand our
} desire to include promotional demos of it in our products.
} However, there have been understandable complaints about the reaction
} sensitivity of the DePrivacyGuard(tm), which SexSoRealCo. has addressed
} with revision 1.3. The revision offers an adjustable sensitivity
} threshold, ranging from nonresponsive to extrasensitive. Upgrades for
} the ClaudiaSchifferTron(tm) are available to users who mail in the
} cover of their current manual along with $28 for shipping and handling
} (add $12 for RUSH service, $15 for guaranteed delivery, $11 for fast
} check clearance, and $23 for PrivacySecured(tm) packaging).
} We apologise for any inconvenience caused to your client, and hope
} that in the future we can satisfy him fully.
} "Buffy" LaTour