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} Actually I'm surprised that there hasn't been more media coverage of
} this. Star Trek TNG was not cancelled, what happened is that the entire
} cast has retired. The movie they've talked about is just a
} contractural obligation, they're through not only with Star Trek but
} with acting.
}
} Next year in February the entire ST:TNG cast will report to the Chicago
} White Sox spring training camp. Apparently every cast member claims
} that baseball was their first love, and now that they've made lots of
} money in the acting world they're going to retire and do what they
} *want* to.
}
} Since you asked so kindly I'll tell you how it will work out:
}
} Worf: Will make the majors. He will set new records next year, hitting
} 80 home runs, getting 311 hits in 627 at-bats for a phenomenal .496
} batting average. He will be suspended nine times for fighting,
} cursing, phaser fire, and general violent tendencies.
}
} Picard: Will become road manager for the Sox' AA team. He will use his
} skills as captain to tell the bus driver what course to plot, when to
} run offending motorists off the road, etc, as well as leading the team
} to play baseball in strange new cities, against new types of players,
} essentially to play ball where no one has played before.
}
} Riker: Will become Picard's assistant, now known as "Gopher" instead of
} "Number One." His responsibilities will include getting coffee for
} Picard, going to 7-11 for munchies, keeping an eye on the bus when the
} team goes out for the evening, and working as bat boy during games.
}
} LaForge: Will become a major league umpire. His visor will allow him
} to examine the molecular contents of bats and balls, thus eliminating
} "spitballs" and the use of pine tar on bats. The visor will also give
} him exceptional accuracy at calling balls and strikes, but the frequent
} cry, "The ump is blind!" will take on new significance.
}
} Dr. Crusher: Will become the Sox' new mascot, wearing a hot pink
} potatshaped costume, under the name of "Num Nums". A massive hit in
} the Chicago area, she will continue in this job for 17 years.
}
} Troi: Will leave spring training to live in Santa Fe, NM (latest New
} Age destination) where she will sell crystals to tourists and write
} books on healing yourself through ESP.
}
} Data: Will spend most of spring training trying to grasp the pleasure
} humans take in baseball, much like he once tried to grasp humor.
} He will be known for remarks like, "Why hit the ball? Is it
} threatening you?" and "Why run the bases when you hope to end up where
} you started?" Ultimately he will fail at this and become the team's
} statistician, much like the nerdy kid in "Bad News Bears."
}
} Guinan: Quits the team early, goes to Paris to work in the fashion
} industry as a hat designer.
}
} Wesley: Will be the unfortunate victim of a malfunctioning pitching
} machine in the Sox' batting cage, pummelled to death by hundreds of
} balls approaching the speed of sound.
}
} Q: Run out of training for his obnoxious behavior, he will menace the
} team all year, showing up in uniform, moving the stadium to
} Indianapolis, changing all the bats to rubber, altering gravity at key
} moments in games, etc. His antics will stop suddenly in September, and
} the mysterious "Q Society" will claim responsibility.
}
} You owe the Oracle a Michael Jordan rookie card, tickets to the world
} series, and a can of Spam (tm).
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