654-09 (5fmqf dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: firstname.lastname@example.org (Michael A. Atkinson)
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> Great Oracle, whose kernel drivers have a license to kill(),
> Last month I brought my computer program to the repair shop for a
> tune-up. The repairman almost fainted dead away -- he said nobody
> ever brought them in until they broke! -- I should have known right
> then, I suppose, but anyway....
> When I got my program back and drove it home, I had a very bumpy
> ride. I discovered that the disks were square! So, I called up the
> shop and complained about it, and they told me it was a new upgrade
> intended to provide better stability when the program was parked.
> I told them I didn't like it, and they were actually pretty good
> about it; after a while, they sent me some arc-shaped pieces of
> rubber, and some glue, and some instructions about how to glue the
> new pieces onto the disks.
> So many things went wrong. My windows got stuck, I couldn't back up,
> O Oracle, I don't want to bother you with all the gory details, but
> Here I am, pulled over on the shoulder of the databahn, flares and
> warning signs all spread out, lights flashing, and white hankie tied
> to my antenna, while everyone else whizzes by at top speed; and
> as I wait for the Datahighway Patrol to come to my rescue,
> I wonder,
> where did I go wrong?
} You appear to have got the wrong end of the stick. You didn't go wrong
} at all - you're completely in the right.
} You seem to think there's something wrong with the problem that your
} wheels have caused with your program, but this really isn't the case.
} You see, before you had Wheels 1.3, a very primitive form of wheel.
} Now, although they worked nicely enough, they weren't efficient or
} modern enough, and didn't make use of the impressive bits of the
} architecture, such as 32-street addressing, or the ISA bus to
} Camberwick Green.
} Now, Wheels 2, the square ones, had some problems, so they were
} withdrawn quite soon. The strangely shaped things you have now, the
} ones too large for your program to function properly, oddly designed
} and held together with cheap glue, are Wheels 3.1, the latest in
} motivation system design. Of course, they're quickly becoming obsolete
} too, but Wheels 4 (also known as San Francisco) will be out soon.
} Of course, that's not what you want at all - there's a complete
} redesign due out soon. Known as Wheels New Tread (NT for short) these
} wheels are perfect in every respect - they hold the road wonderfully,
} and the treads don't wear down at all. Of course, you'll need at least
} a supertanker with a 90,000,000 horsepower engine to take advantage of
} Wheels NT.
} If you really feel that Wheels are causing you problems, then why not
} try a different motiviation system. There's always HoVERcraft for
} Programs, or even the jet-propelled JS/2. If you yearn for simplicity
} you could try the Driver Operation System (DOS) where a hole is cut in
} the bottom of your program, and you drive it by running along the
} You owe the Oracle a copy of the Wheels NT reference manuals.