> A couple of years ago I woke up and discovered that everybody was
> me, or I was everybody. This wasn't one of those telepathic deals
> with just one me looking out of billions of pairs of eyes, but
> instead there were lots and lots of me, each a separate individual.
> At first I thought it was pretty cool. I owned everything.
> I went to my job at the shoe factory and reset the machine to make
> just one size of shoes. I closed down my tanning parlor,
> and converted my lipstick factory to make more chess sets -- after
> all, I was champion of the world.
> Sure, there were some problems, even at first. I wanted to move to
> 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and live in the White House, but I already
> lived there and didn't want to move out; but hey, there's
> lots of me, and lots of room there, so we took turns, twenty or
> thirty at a time of me.
> Usenet news was pretty dull for awhile, too.
> Also, Things got messy for a while. I didn't want to sweep the
> streets, or collect the garbage. Finally I worked that out, too, and
> I-in-general was neater and more considerate of myself so
> I-garbageman wouldn't have such a tough job.
> The real early problems were with the lots of mes who were stuck in
> places like Africa or Texas. But hey, it gave me something to do,
> getting everyme out of there and getting me fixed up with decent
> places to live. Nice is pretty crowded now.
> Soon, though, I started to get lonely for other people. Especially
> for female-type people. I got real nostalgic and started watching
> all those old movies, with all those stars that weren't me.
> Then, whaddya know, some of me decided that this nostalgia stuff
> wasn't good, and I started me-izing the movies.
> I really hate me-ized movies. I wish I wouldn't do that to the movies.
> I make a lousy Princess Leah....
> O great Oracle who is vast, and contains multitudes,
> please tell me how I can meet new people.