} Well, Humble Supplicant, this is your lucky day! Not only will there
} be baseball once again in North America, indeed there already is!
} Now, before I continue, I must warn you that the following
} instructions may only be followed under advice and supervision of a
} doctor. I have to worry about liabilities here...
} First, open your eyes. Look off into the distance; that big
} rectangular object with moving pictures and flashing lights, where
} once there was baseball, that you have sat in front of immobile since
} early April, that's called a television. Observe the location of the
} television, and get a good fix on it relative to the soft pliable
} thing in which your posterior is firmly planted (called a couch for
} future reference), in case you become disoriented later in the
} exercise and wish to begin again.
} Carefully now, not too fast, you don't want to pull a muscle, stand
} up. Slowly and cautiously, make your way to the television set. Now,
} slowly turn around 360 degrees, just to get a good overview of your
} surroundings. This is called a living room. You're well on your way
} to finding Baseball now!
} Over there, the bright spot on the edge of the Living Room, that's
} called a window. If you're feeling up to it, make your way over to
} the Window. BE CAREFUL! You don't want to pull away the cumbersome
} fabric that blocks the window (known as a Drape) too quickly. If you
} do, you may become momentarily blinded. Should this happen, return to
} the couch and repeat the previous steps with more caution and care.
} Now slowly pull away the blind, just an inch at a time, and as your
} eyes adjust to the light, look out the window. That's called the
} There! You've found it! Out through the window, in the yard, there
} is the baseball! Lots of kids, America's Youth, playing America's
} Passtime, Baseball. And having lots of fun at it, too--- what?
} There's no-one there? <flip, flip, flip> oh, umm, it says here in the
} Book of Oracularities that the kids of today are all playing Nintendo.
} Well, remember the Television? There should be a baseball cartridge
} for the Nintendo in the box beside it. Hit one out of the park for
} me, will you?
} You owe the Oracle a recipe for couch potato au-grautin.