693-07 (brpi6 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <AMW108@PSUVM.PSU.EDU>
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> O mighty, omniscient Oracle, please help me.
> At your suggestion, I jumped into hot lava to get the spiders off
> me. As you recall, this created another problem, removing the fourth
> degree burns. The trip to Antarctica you prescribed was successful,
> but generated an infestation of penguins on my person. Not only was
> the bath you recommended to get rid of them inneffective, but the
> smell of wet penguins attracted killer whales! I called in David
> Attenbourough to make a documentary, and indeed he scared away the
> killer whales as you prophesied! I still have a minor problem with
> the penguins, but I'm growing used to them, so I won't ask for a
> solution. However, I now cannot seem to get rid of David
> Attenborough. In fact, he wants to make a 32 part documentary on my
> life, called "The Penguin Man". I do not have time to go through with
> it, but I don't want to hurt his feelings, so please tell me,
> How do I get David Attenborough off me?
} Well, OK, but it's not going to be easy. It's always hard to let a man
} like David Attenborough down without hurting his feelings. Just tell
} him that you're not THAT kind of guy, even though you are attracted to
} penguins and vice versa. Be sure to tell him not to worry, that it's
} not his fault, and you're sure he'll soon find someone else, someone
} who is right for him. Tell him that you still want to be friends, but
} you need a little space in your life. Finally, mention that you want to
} introduce him to a friend of yours who studies the migration of Monarch
} butterflies, and Attenborough will be off to South America before you
} can say, "This program has been made possible by a grant from TRW."
} You owe the Oracle a lushly photographed Attenborough documentary of
} Claire Danes.