} Mostly, it's the fault of the Nestle Company, who started marketing
} their Toll House chips in third world countries in Africa and Asia even
} before there were any first and second world countries. You see, Nestle
} started the Toll House in the early days of evolution, charging a toll
} for vertebrates who wanted to cross the various land bridges between
} the continents. Naturally, this caused a lot of unrest among the
} dinosaurs, who complained that they were being unfairly discriminated
} against, since the aquatic vertebrates simply avoided the toll by
} swimming around the Toll Houses.
} Well, I won't bore you with the story about why the dinosaurs became
} extinct when they had some trouble multiplying due to a batch of
} defective chips. And you're probably not interested in the fact that,
} to this day, box turtles and lizards still won't buy anything from
} Nestle. Let's just skip ahead to about 4,998,763 million years BC, when
} humans had just evolved, and eve's drop on what they're saying, shall
} Adam: I still don't understand what happened there. Can you explain it
} Eve: Okay. On Tuesday, I saw the serpents lying together in the grass.
} That gave me the idea for what I had us try on Tuesday night. But then
} the Man kicked us out of the garden for doing it in public, and in a
} fit of P.C.-ness He said that we should call what we did "eating the
} forbidden fruit." He also said that we should say, "going to the
} bathroom," and "Contract with America," too.
} Adam: Hmmmmm. I don't like euphemisms, but I guess we've got to stay on
} His good side now. So what are we supposed to do now?
} Eve: Well, He said, "Go forth and multiply." Let's just keep walking
} until we get somewhere good. The ground is too rocky here, and there
} isn't any good shade.
} Adam: That's not quite what I meant. I meant, what should we do about
} being kicked out of the garden?
} Eve: Well, there's not much we can do about getting back in, but I've
} been having some ideas about some variations on what we did to get
} Adam: That'll have to wait until later. Do you see that building ahead?
} It looks like it says, "Nestle Toll House" on the sign.
} Eve: Darn! I don't have any quarters, since they won't be invented for
} another 5 million years or so.
} Toll Collector: Well, if you don't have any quarters, we'll have to try
} something else. Do you mind if we alter your genetic material?
} Adam: What do you mean by that?
} Eve: Oh, don't worry about it, Adam! It's probably nothing serious.
} Toll Collector: That's right! It's nothing serious. It just means that
} your descendants will have a tendency to become addicted to chocolate,
} coffee, tobacco, alcohol, and a few other things. Oh, yes, and video
} games, too.
} Adam: Sounds fair.
} So that's how it happened. Now, if you still want to take advantage of
} all this, do what I did: Buy Nestle stock back in the Precambrian Era
} and get in on the ground floor! I just didn't get enough of it when I
} had the chance.
} You owe the Oracle (incarnated as g. t. <firstname.lastname@example.org>) enough
} Nestle stock so that I can get them to change their ways.