} Ahh yes, a folk song from the good ol' days; the 60's. Boy, those
} were the days. Smoke some weed in the morning, burn a few draft
} cards in the evening, and then sex all night long in one big orgy fest
} (the Oracle reminisces and lets out a big sigh.)
} I bet I can find my love beads around here somewhere. Hmmm, now where
} can they be? Ahh, here there are... (The Oracle produces several
} sets of gawd-awful colored beads and drapes them around his neck.)
} Let me see... I'm still missing a few more things... Oh jeez!!
} Of course! (The Oracle races for his closet and finds his plaid,
} green and purple, polyester jump suit with the large bell bottoms.
} He puts it on but leaves the shirt open all the way down to his belt,
} thus exposing his hairy chest. At the snap of his fingers, his hair
} grows real long and stringy and greasy and sideburns nearly reach
} his chin.)
} This is so cool! I feel sooo much better. I seemed to have mixed
} some of the 70's in with the 60's, but, what the hell, right? Let me
} light a few candles and .... ahhhh that's just the right ambiance.
} This brings back so many memories. In fact, this reminds me of
} Woodstock....well, I really don't remember too much 'cause I was
} in to some serious drugs back then. But I think I have a picture
} album here....here we go. (The Oracle takes a large volume from a
} bookshelf and blows the dust off it.) Lisa and I had a good time as
} I recall...then again, I'm not really sure if that really was Lisa
} I was with, but don't tell her, o.k? It'll be our little secret.
} So here I am at woodstock. (The Oracle blushes a little bit.) Heh,
} it was a really hot day that day so we needed to cool off...Hey,
} you can see my thingy...The Oracle abruptly turns the page.
} Now here's a picuture of me and about 400,000 other people I don't
} know. We were really one big happy stoned family those few days...
} (The Oracle turns the page.)
} This is when Jimi Hendrix's bass player got sick and puked all over
} the people in the front row. Jimi couldn't go on without a bassist
} so I said I knew a few chords and the next thing I know, I'm up
} there jamming with Jimi. Man, and I thought *I* did some massive
} drugs...that boy was in another world. (The Oracle turns the page.
} A joint, rolled up for the last 25 years, drops from the album and
} into the Oracle's lap.)
} Whoa, man, like where'd dis come from? Like, gotta match, man?
} Hey, thanks. (The Oracle takes several long drags. His eyes
} turn glassy...) Whoa,.. heavy...man, like,...far-out. This is
} some serious shit, man. Wow, like I'm remembering the time me
} and Wild Bill...wild bill....wild bill....damn! Now what's that
} bastard's name? Bill....Clinton! Yeah! That's right! Me and
} Wild Bill Clinton were like rolling some doobies up man and like we
} were smoking something pretty fierce. That was cool. Hell, yeah!
} You bet your ass he inhaled! You couldn't keep that cousin-kissing
} s.o.b. away from that dope. He said he wanted to be president some
} day...who knew? (The Oracle continues to take drags on the joint,
} until it's so small he needs a roach clip.)
} I'm starting to see purple zebras....and one's got his leg up over
} Several priests move in and comfort the Oracle, who is having one
} hell of an acid trip. One of the Priests speaks to you...
} Supplicant, as you can see, the Oracle has flipped-out, so your
} question will have to be temporarily queued until the Oracle completes
} withdrawl and detox. Please have some patience. But while you're
} waiting, would you like to finish the Oracle's joint?
} You owe the Oracle Gloria Estefan's head on a platter for trying to
} bring back the 70's.