} <leans close to the supplicant> What's that, sonny? Could you speak
} up a bit? <slams fist against ear> These damn components keep
} shorting out. What good does it do to have the greatest intelligence of
} all time when I can't hear what my supplicants say? <digs component
} out of ear> Hmm. There's something else in there....<digs a giant
} pillow out of ear> That's odd...<digs an African elephant out of ear>
} Wha....?...<digs around some more and comes up with a collection of
} _Doogie Houser_ tapes> Aaaa! <throws it across the room, in fright>
} I've got to get to the bottom of this. <door opens and slams>
} <muffled> Lisa?....Do you know who's been stuffing stuff in my ear?
} It wasn't the kid at PSU who keeps sticking his 18-line sig. on all his
} questions, was it? Or the one who keeps asking woodchuck questions,
} but spells it "woodechuck"? No?... Well, tell me if you figure it
} <door opens and slams; Oracle re-emerges> Strange, strange. Somebody
} is trying to make me deaf. <glances at _Doogie Houser_ tapes> And if
} I'm not mistaken, stupid, too. <sits back in a comfy easy chair and
} flips on TV with the remote; the theme song for _Beakman's World_
} BEAKMAN (on TV): Today's question comes from Billy of Pensacola,
} Florida. "Beakman: Are there any other question and answer guys out
} there who could explain things about science and other type stuff?"
} <rips the card in two> That's a silly question, Billy. Of course
} there aren't. At least, none with a goofy hairstyle like this...
} <gestures at his huge mega-Kramer 'do>
} RAT (on TV): <looks embarrassed> Um, Beakman. There's another one
} out there...and this one is.....<gulp> omniscient.
} BEAKMAN (on TV): Omniscient? <does a double-take> I've got to meet
} this guy, share some stories. I bet he's had quite a few interesting
} questions over the years!
} RAT (on TV): Uh, you mean you're not mad there's another question and
} answer guy...even one who's omniscient?
} BEAKMAN (on TV): No. Why should I? I'm the Beakman! <gestures again
} to his wild hairstyle>
} <RAT slinks off, twiddling his thumbs behind his back.> Rats. Better
} take care of this before Beakman finds out.
} BEAKMAN (on TV): Next question. This comes from Sally in Beaver
} Springs, PA. "Dear Beakman: What's the difference between woodchucks
} and grounhogs?" Well, Sally...
} <Oracle hits the 'off' button on the remote; shudders slightly>
} Hmm. Looks like another question is coming in. <tears it off the
} >The USENET Oracle requires an answer to this question:
} >Oh, great all-mighty omniscience. I don't know how to say this but
} >I've done something terrible. I work for another question-and-answer
} >guy, and I thought he'd be jealous of you, so I tried to incapicitate
} >you. I hope you're not too mad, but there's an *ELEPHANT* in your
} >ear. And some other stuff. I'm really sorry, but I hope you don't
} >make too big a deal out of this because I'd probably get in trouble
} >with Beak...with my employer. Then he'd make me get in the mucous
} >demonstration tunnel again. Yuck. Anyway, I'm sorry and I hope you're
} <calling> Lisa! Type this response up for supplicant #457789-0:
} No hard feelings, mouse-man. We omniscient beings are far more
} forgiving than you give us credit for (if only certain deities would
} stop turning people into constellations and donkeys and pillars of
} salt, I'm sure our reputation would be far kinder). You are absolved
} from all wrong-doing; but I would have you know that next time I am
} subjected to _Doogie Houser_ I will consider it an act of war.
} You owe the Oracle an episode guide to _Beakman's World_ and a groovy
} new haircut.