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} Doug Lewellyn: "I'm Doug Lewellyn, and welcome to the People's Court.
} The plaintiff, The Usenet Oracle, claims that the defendant, a
} Supplicant, asked him an inappropriate question. Rather than *ZOT* him,
} the Oracle decided to seek compensation in court. This is the case of
} '*ZOT* -- NOT!'"
}
} Rusty (baliff): "All rise. Court is in session."
}
} Judge Wapner [to Oracle]: "I've read your statement and heard your
} testimony. You claim that the defendant asked you an inappropriate
} question?"
}
} Oracle [to Wapner]: "Yes, your Honor. He wasted my time."
}
} Judge Wapner: "May I see the question, please?"
}
} [The Oracle hands a sheet of pin-feed computer paper to Rusty, the
} court baliff, who hands it to Judge Wapner.]
}
} Judge Wapner: "Let's see...failure to grovel... misspelling...
} gratuitous use of sex... all-caps... incorrect grammar... improper
} punctuation." [To Supplicant] "Sir, can you explain this?"
}
} Supplicant: "I WUZ JUST ASKIN' THE 0RACLE A KWESTION."
}
} Judge Wapner: "I understand that, Sir. But how do you account for all
} these flagrant violations of Supplicant protocol?"
}
} Supplicant: "PR0T0-WHAT?"
}
} Judge Wapner: "Protocol. An established set of rules to be followed."
}
} Supplicant: "PR0T0C0L RULEZ, D00D!"
}
} Judge Wapner: "I've heard enough. I'll be back in a few minutes with my
} decision."
}
} [Cheesy theme song background music]
}
} Doug Lewellyn: "So, will the judge rule for the Oracle, or for the
} defendant? Stay tuned!"
}
} [Commercial advertisement for accident/injury case lawyer with
} moronically mnemonic toll-free phone number.]
}
} [Cheesy theme song background music]
}
} Doug Lewellyn: "And we're back. Let's see what the Judge decided."
}
} Judge Wapner [to Supplicant]: "This was an obvious case. The defendant
} clearly violated the rules established in the Usenet Oracle's FAQ. I
} find for the plaintiff." [To Supplicant] "Sir, you've violated every
} guideline in the book. I'm surprised the Oracle didn't *ZOT* you. I'm
} ordering you to grovel a thousand times."
}
} [Cut to exterior of courtroom. The Usenet Oracle walks out and joins
} Doug Lewellyn.]
}
} Doug Lewellyn [to Oracle]: "What do you think about the Judge's
} decision?"
}
} Oracle: "Exactly as I thought it would be, of course."
}
} Doug Lewellyn [winking]: "Of course. Anyway, if you'll step over there,
} Rusty has some papers for you to sign. And here comes the defendant..."
} [to Supplicant] "How do you feel about the Judge's decision, Sir?"
}
} Supplicant: "THIS SUCKS, D00D!"
}
} Doug Lewellyn [to audience]: "There you have it. And remember: if you
} have a situation you can't resolve, don't take the law into your own
} hands; you take 'em to court."
}
} Oracle [off camera]: "You owe the Oracle 1000 grovels."
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
