} Hi there, Joel Furr here. I like the grovel.
} Okay, first the bad news. I'm afraid the Usenet Oracle is dead. We
} think he OD'd on clueless newbie questions, you know, "how do i telnet"
} and "where can i get a list of newsgroups" and not a capital letter in
} sight. It's bound to take its toll even on an immortal.
} Well, as you can imagine, the Oracle's demise caused not a little panic
} among the priesthood, who have got their livelihood riding on this. So
} they got together and decided on a replacement and, as I'm about the
} nearest thing to omniscience you're likely to find on the Net in short
} order, and do a nice line in T-shirts with Net designs (want one?),
} they asked me to stand in.
} So that's the good news. However, it does present a bit of a problem as
} regards your particular question. It's clearly a convoluted variant on
} the woodchuck theme, or ZOTbait as we professionals call it, but
} woodchucks don't do anything for me. Lemurs are my thing, as you'll
} know if you've hung around rec,humor.oracle.d for more than 2 or 3
} days. So, with your permission, I'll slightly alter the last line of
} your question to render the humorous intent more applicable. It now
} > How many lemmings may a lemur immure if a lemur might immure
} > lemmings?
} I know the wordplay is a bit weak compared to the original, but I like
} the nod to computer culture by introducing lemmings into it - as in the
} game, you know. Right, so here's your answer...
} [With a deafening roar, a huge chasm opens up in the floor of the
} Oracular Chamber. The air fills with the smell of brimstone, and
} tendrils of flame lick the edges of the crevasse. Joel Furr fights
} desperately to regain his balance, fails, and topples over backwards
} into the chasm with a spine tingling screech. At the far end of the
} chamber, a green glow slowly coalesces into a human shape. Is it Alec
} Guinness in one of the later episodes of the Star Wars saga? No. The
} shape solidifies. It's the Usenet Oracle!]
} Hah! Dead, am I? Let me tell you something about deities, sunshine! We
} go on and on forever so long as there is still one true believer! Of
} which there aren't too many to be found in my priesthood, it would
} appear. So, Noe, Panzer and the rest of you, as soon as I'm finished
} here, you're toast, you hear me! And I hereby promote my one faithful
} priest, Zadoc, to Arch-Hierophant in Chief of the Church of the Usenet
} Oracle TM (all holy writings subject to copyright).
} But first, let's get the morning's supplications out of the way. What's
} this one? "O most salient Oracle... a local family... chuck steak...
} aged mesquite..." WHAT?!? A woodchuck question! I get dragged back from
} the edge of oblivion and the first thing that pollutes my line of sight
} is an effing woodchuck question! That does it!
} > ZOT <
} > ZOT < > ZOT < > ZOT < > ZOT <
} > ZZZOOTT!!! <
} No more Mister Nice Guy.