} This is a very important occasion for you, as it will greatly increase
} your understanding of Mr. Johnson's novel ways of thinking. This,
} in turn, will enhance your professional reputation immeasurably.
} You are right, therefore, to take great care regarding how you
} present yourself.
} The key to success here is to take into account Mr. Johnson's personal
} tastes and special interests. I can give you a few hints in this area,
} but you're probably going to have to do a little shopping.
} You should wear a modestly cut knee-length dress, not those ones
} you were thinking of. It should definitely be a button-down dress,
} with lots of buttons. No zippers. I'd suggest a dark color, with
} matching open-toed shoes with 4-inch heels. Under it, a sheer red
} lace camisole, and a push-up bra which fastens in front. (The front
} fastener is very important.)
} Also, you'll want a pair of fishnet stockings. It would be best if
} they matched the dress and shoes in color, but if you can't manage
} that white will do. Don't hold them up with a garter belt, though.
} Use a ring of duct tape at the top of each one, instead.
} This next part is a bit embarrasing for me, but you need to know,
} so here goes. At that little shop in the mall, get a shiny black
} vinyl G-string, and a pair of edible underpants (cherry flavor).
} Wear the G-string under the panties (all under your dress, of course).
} You'll also need a few accessories, so ask the shopkeeper for a
} box of ribbed American Wonders, and a bottle of cinnamon body oil.
} Don't worry about what to do with them. Mr. Johnson will be happy
} to explain that to you.
} This ensemble will be sure to make a good impression. Rest assured,
} your professional career is about to take a giant step forward.
} Since you're concerned about Mr. Johnson's marital status, I can
} reassure you on that point, too. There's a photographer at your
} local newspaper named Roger Murphy. Give him a call, and tell him
} I said to start Operation Gary Hart. He'll make quite sure that Mr.
} Johnson truly is practically separated.
} I'm afraid I can't send my autograph by e-mail. But come on over for
} a drink and I can give it to you in person. How does tomorrow sound?