} After a rigourous programme of testing, I am happy to present a study
} on the comparitive suitability of Post Raisin Bran (PRB) as compared
} with Kellogg's Raisin Bran (KRB):
} Test 1: Palatability
} 215 grams of PRB, KRB and shredded cardboard slices were served to a
} dozen supplicants in a double blind taste test. Seven of the twelve
} supplicants were able to correctly identify the Shredded raisin bran
} (mainly from the texture of the raisins), but only one supplicant
} was able to distinguish PRB from KRB, but she preffered the shredded
} cardboard anyway.
} Result: inconclusive
} Test 2: LD-50
} Three seperate groups of supplicants were administered 750 grams of
} PRB, KRB or shredded cardboard each hour until half of each subject
} group became "regular". The KRB group reached the 50 percent level at
} a dose of 6.75 kg per person, while PRB group achieved the 50 percent
} level at 6 kg/person. No measurable bowel activity was achieved in the
} control group for the duration of the experiment.
} Result: Emergency removal of papier mache from Oracle labs sewers
} Test 3: Addictiveness
} The price of PRB, KRB and shredded cardboard was raised at a small
} suburban supermarket in $15 increments until sales dropped by 25%.
} While there was a marked decline in PRB and KRB sales as soon as the
} unit price exceeded $90 a box, there was no effect on shredded
} cardboard sales.
} Result: Shredded cardboard is extremely addictive
} Test 4: Product recognition
} Shoppers at a large shopping mall were offered bowls of KRB, PRB and
} shredded cardboard. 27% of suibjects ran away screaming. 30% of
} subjects were ably to identify KRB, while only 16% of subject correctly
} identified PRB, 97% of subjects were able to identify shredded
} Result: Shredded cardboard is well recognized.
} Test 5: Impact Assessment
} Boxes of KRB, PRB and Shredded cardboard were driven into a solid wall
} at 10, 20, 40 and 55 mph. At low speeds, PRB boxes offered occupants
} the most protection. No boxes provided occupants significant
} protection at speeds over 20 mph.
} Result: Neither cereal box offers sufficient levels of protection in
} the event of a crash.
} Test 6: Benchmark
} KRBSpec V1.1 and PRBSpec V2.3 were run on the PRB box and KRB box
} respectively. It was not possible to test the shredded cardboard's
} benchmark as the benchmarking software was not compatible. The time
} taken to install windows 95 was also measured.
} Box: PRB KRB PRB KRB
} Test S'ware KRBSpec KRBSpec PRBSpec PRBSpec
} MFLOPS 7.14 98.3 100 6
} WritePixel 120 ns 110 ns 50 ns 120 ns
} Disk Access 350 msec 100 msec 250 msec 800 msec
} RAM speed 100 ns 50 ns 60 ns 80 ns
} DOS compat? n n n n
} RAM 16 MB 32 MB
} W95 (hrs) 3 5
} It should be noted that the writepixel for the KRB box was consistantly
} slower since it was configured with a 24 bit display. Neither box was
} able to multitask effectively.
} Test 7: Popularity
} 100 random supplicants were polled and asked the following question:
} Who would you vote for out of these candidates for President
} 1) PRB
} 2) KRB
} 3) Shredded cardboard
} 4) Hilary Clinton
} 5) Ross Perot ?
} 1) PRB 12%
} 2) KRB 16%
} 3) Shredded cardboard 61%
} 4) Hilary Clinton 20%
} 5) Ross Perot ? 4.9%
} I hope this information will help your choice.
} You owe the Oracle a copy of "How to lie with statistics"