} O sometime incarnation, tremble not at the prospect of the
} occasional tough question. As a matter of fact, if that trembling
} gets much worse, you might have to resume drinking on the job. Take
} a deep breath, unclench your fists, and pick the broken bits of your
} mouse out from between your fingers. Now, doesn't that feel better?
} You, as the Oraclular Incarnation Nominally Knowledgeable (OINK)
} don't _have_ to actually answer the poor Supplicant Who Is Needing
} Entertainment (SWINE). As long as your response is entertaining,
} the SWINE will be getting his money's worth out of your answer. If,
} however, you want to go that extra furlong, you may try a number of
} Dissembling Techniques.
} (1) Answer in parables. It doesn't have to make sense; it has
} now become the SWINE's job to figure it out.
} (2) Give the SWINE a Top Ten List. The priesthood eat that
} stuff up; you'll make the Oracularities
} (3) Blame Bill Gates or Microsoft(tm). Hell, everybody else does.
} (4) Blame Steve Kinzler (tm). See DT number(2).
} (5) Answer in a foreign language. Morse code, pig latin,
} COBOL, C++, seem to be the current favorites.
} (6) Limericks, haiku:
} Bewildered Supplicant thinks
} He has seen wisdom
} (7) Let Lisa answer and claim T.U.O. is the victim of an
} esoteric (yet lurid) sex fantasy. The priesthood will pass
} it among themselves but keep it out of the Oracularities
} since this is a family newsgroup. The likelihood of the
} SWINE being delighted with your answer is very high; this
} is, after all, cheaper than 1-900 phone calls.
} (8) Just <ZOT!> the poor bastard on some technicality. It's
} not too sportsmanlike, you being temporarily omniscient,
} and all, but the casual readers like the violence, and
} hey, we've all <ZOT!>ed our way out of the occasional
} tight spot. In fact it feels pretty good; and it has been
} awhile since I've.... hmmmm.
} (9) Lie.
} (10) Parody (shudder) popular culture. Ren and Stimpy, Three
} Stooges, Beavis and Butthead, any beer commercials. Do
} observe that none of them could answer ANY question, but
} are entertaining, and stand a pretty shot at satisfying
} the SWINE (particularly if the SWINE was oneof those
} who stood in line to buy WIN95 at midnight theday it
} was released because the television TOLD him to.)
} (11) .... and in closing, erstwile OINK,
} What is the sound of an evasive koan?