} An upbeat bossanova jingle erupts suddenly as the Oracle steps
} onstage, beaming with a friendly, relaxed smile, waving to the
} applauding audience of several dozen people. The stage has been set up
} to look like the Oracle's comfortable living room, and as Orrie waves
} enthusiastically to the crowd, a phone number appears at the bottom of
} the screen and a voice-over commences, sounding as enthusiastic as the
} Oracle's friendly, outgoing demeanor.
} "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another installment of Body By
} Oracle. For centuries, men and women alike have wondered how he does
} it. They've wondered how one being can truly know it all AND look so
} good. Today, he's going to share his secrets! But first, let's give a
} big hand to the Oracle's special guests: rap legend Ice-T and Dr. Ruth
} Westheimer!" Dr. Ruth steps on stage, grinning and waving excitedly,
} followed by a subdued Ice-T, wearing a turtleneck and dark glasses, who
} offers the audience only a quick, stoic salute. The Oracle shakes his
} guests hands, and the three of them have a seat in the modern,
} comfortable couches which surround a low wooden table.
} "It's good to see both of you again," the Oracle beams, as the music
} and audience applause gradually fade down.
} "Eet is gut to zee you too, Orrie," Dr. Ruth laughs. "I haf been
} helping people feel beautiful on ze inside for many years now, thanks
} to gut sex, and now, if you're willing to share your zecrets, I'll be
} able to help zem be beautiful on ze outzide as well!" The audience
} applauds wildly.
} "Word up, Dr. Ruth," Ice-T replies, leaning forward in his chair.
} "People are aware that life in the inner cities can be pretty ugly, and
} its time that people realized that if you want things to change, you've
} got to start with yourself. That's why _I'm_ here today." More
} "Well," the Oracle beams, "I know you won't be disappointed. Later
} in today's show, we'll be selecting someone from our audience to receive
} a brand new look, but first, let's hear about how Body By Oracle has
} _already_ transformed thousands of people, just like you.
} Soon, the picture becomes fuzzy, and your mind is taken away to a
} beautiful, dreamlike place. Thoughts and images gently surface like
} bubbles in the water - personal satisfaction - happiness - beauty -
} 1-800-555-9423 - $49.95 - acceptance - true personal fulfillment...
} 53 minutes later, you can recall nothing, but looking down at the
} credit card you hold in your hands, you know deep inside that somehow
} you have found that for which you have been seeking.
} You owe the Oracle half a pound of Cubic Zirconium.