} [The regularly-scheduled Oracle is on vacation. In its place we bring
} you one of a series of Oracles Around the World. Tonight's Guest
} Oracle is I-Ching of Ancient China.]
} The I-Ching has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
} >#20 Kuan (Contemplation)
} >Contemplation. The ablution has been made.
} >But not yet the offering.
} >Full of trust they look up to him.
} And in response, thus spake the I-Ching:
} )Glad to see you washed up this time. What the hell were you doing to
} )get so sticky last time? You weren't eating the yarrows were you? I
} )mean, really, show some respect.
} )And besides, just because the Oracle is on vacation doesn't mean you
} )can get away without offering a grovel or some such sign of
} )insignificant unworthiness in the face of sublime knowledge. Like get
} )with the program, ok?
} )Still and all you did come to the right place and the I-Ching doesn't
} )want to shatter your trust in supreme wisdom. Therefore, assume the
} )lotus position, close your eyes, and hum today's bonus mantra "I wish
} )I could shiatsu like my sister Kate" while contemplating the following
} ) "If a tree fell in a forest and no one was around to hear it, would
} ) Windows95 ever work correctly?"
} )After a few days, open your eyes, walk three paces east, and lift your
} )eyes to the heavens. The answer should appear on the fourth cloud
} )from the left.
} [Thank you I-Ching. Tune in next week when Shirley MacLaine resurrects
} the spirit of Aimee Semple Macpherson who will do astrology charts over
} our 800 number and autograph copies of her next book "Voodoo and You,
} Creative Body Piercing for Fun and Profit."]