} This is the sort of question that just begs to have a table made, and
} my current incarnation, while certainly not a slave to fashion, is a
} slave to the tastes of the Oracle. So, with no further ado, I give
} The Pluses and Minuses of the Paths to True Enlightenment:
} \\ Dating People you work with: //
} Plus: Companionship, both at home and at work
} Minus: Companionship, both at home and at work
} Plus: Titillating sex talk at the office
} Minus: Not-so-titillating office talk at home
} Plus: Confidence in looking over at your co-worker and knowing that
} she/he finds you physically attractive.
} Minus: Coworkers looking over at you and wondering just what the
} hell he/she sees in you.
} TEPF (Total Enlightenment Probability Factor): 36.7%
} \\ Joining "Great Expectations" //
} Plus: You get to pick a mate like you would a car, by looking at
} glossy pictures and studying the features of each
} Minus: Others are doing the same to you
} Plus: N/A (sorry, Sparky, we're out of Pluses for this one)
} Minus: Those clowns charge you mucho dinero to join their' stinkin'
} TEPF: 12.2%
} \\ Hitting on supermarket checkers 10 years younger than you //
} Plus: You might have the chance to teach a novice the joys of sex
} and of pleasuring another.
} Minus: They'll probably have zits
} Plus: They can get a discount on groceries
} Minus: You'll get sick of their constant badgering of you with the
} question "Paper or Plastic?"
} Plus: Excellent 10-Key skills
} Minus: Hard to fantasize about someone in a brown apron
} TEPF: 45.05%
} \\ Devoting yourself to a life of meditation in a Buddhist monastery //
} Plus: Those cool robes
} Minus: No underwear and cold stone floors. 'Nuff said.
} Plus: You might chant yourself to a top ten single
} Minus: You can't make videos with hot chicks on MTV
} Plus: Spiritual cleansing, true vision, and a balm for your soul
} Minus: Very few keg parties
} TEPF: 73.9%
} So we can see that, of the paths you mentioned, the Buddhist route is
} clearly the way to go. But let me suggest one more:
} \\ Presenting the Oracle with good, intelligent questions such as
} these, as compared to the usual nonsense people usually send, and, more
} importantly, sending back well thought-out, creative, original, and
} humorous answers in response //
} Plus: You might get accepted to the OD
} Minus: N/A
} Plus: You won't get <ZOT>ted by an angry incarnation
} Minus: N/A
} Plus: A pat on the back on a job well done
} Minus: N/A
} TEPF: 99.99%
} I think the way has been pointed.
} You owe the Oracle true consciousness on his deathbed, payable to the
} current incarnation, email@example.com.