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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Is there a set which cannot contain itself?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes, the set is catalogue item number MC-024481-S from Tupperware, the } "Stacking Klein Bottle Measuring Cup Set of 5" } } You owe the Oracle a recipe for instant pudding.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Where is the International Date Line?  Can I get a date there?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}         Funny you should mention it!  I met Lisa at the International } Date Line.  The IDL is the Mensa of dating services.  As the name } indicates, it _is_ international, and you won't even get past the } receptionist if you don't speak at least three romance languages. }         The way it works is, you dial 011-991-976-5555, and you get } connected to the receptionist, who will administer a test to see if } you're eligible to join.  If you pass the test, you'll receive another } number to call, where you'll be able to talk to nine other lucky } members, and arrange dates with your ideal dreamboat. }         As for your chances, well...  you *are* a computer geek, so } you're not very likely to be able to get in.  As I said, this is a very } exclusive club.  Just to give you an idea, here are some of the } questions on the entrance exam: } }         - How many fully-functional sets of genitalia do you own? }         - Do members of the opposite sex faint upon crossing you in the }           street? }         - Does your personal magnetism disrupt radio stations? }         - ...  In Asia? }         - Est-ce que vous parlez au moins trois langages romantiques? }         - Can you sweet-talk a member of the opposite sex? }         - ...  in French? }         - ...  in German? }         - ...  in Turkish? }         - Can you give a quantum-level description of the themes of }           Harold Pinter's major plays? }         - Are you a member of a pantheon?  If so, which? }           ( ) Norse }           ( ) Roman }           ( ) Greek }           ( ) Cthulhu-mythos (automatic rejection) }           ( ) Other (please specify) }         - Does a muumuu look alluring on you? }         - Can you satisfy Lisa? }         - ...  twice in a row? } }         That last question, of course, is the killer, usually. } Nonetheless, you should give it a try.  If you succeed, welcome to the } club, and Lisa and I will be talking to you again.  If not, then it'll } at least give us a few laughs. } }         You owe the Oracle a centerfold of Aphrodite.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What task should I be willing to perform in exchange for 2 baked > potatoes with cheese?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} In Neitzche's thesis 'Der Philosophie und Studieren von Potaten mit } Kase' (Philosophy and study of potatoes with cheese) he stated the now } famous "Cheese is dead".  He was an advocate of either fried potatoes or } baked potatoes with butter and chives. } } Karl Marx picked up on this concept in one of his more obscure works, } 'Der Potaten Staaten' (The potato state).  In a rambling thesis of } potatoes he hypothesized that the baked potato with cheese was an } inferior state of potato and that the consumers would evolve to the } Utopian baked potato with butter, sour cream, and bacos.  He called for } the people to lift their cutlery high as a form of solidarity and unite } against the Baked potato with cheese (the opiate of the dinner plate). } and exclaimed "Potato eaters of the world, UNITE!" } } In theory it sounded good.  The revolution that Marx spoke of came but } the Utopian potato was not a reality.  Cheese lovers were cast out of } society and oppressed for the sake of the baco potato.  Indeed the baked } potato with butter, sour cream and bacos became the only approved potato } and all other potatoes were needlessly scrapped of the plate and into } the garbage. } } Discontent followed.  Several revolutions to bring a more liberal view } towards potatoes and cheese failed only to be mashed and mixed w/ milk } and butter.  A cloud hung over those who drudgingly accepted their baked } potato with butter, sour cream and bacos.  Workers became lazy, } alchoholism rose, productivity fell and the economy suffered. } } Recently a great leader, Mikheal Potatochef, saw that it was time for a } change.  He wanted to give Potatoes a human face.  Mr.  potato head } became the rage and the inspiration to a generation. } } Slowly the people began to test this new openness.  Baked potatoes were } eaten without sour cream or bacos.  At first there was resistance but } mass demonstra- tions of baked potato and cheese eaters forced the } government to concede.  Victory was won. } } The people risked their very lives and freedom for the potato they } wanted.  Surely you would be able to do the same, or at least say } please.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why is it that when a couple breaks up, the men suffer for so long, > but his female partner recovers quickly, and seems to forget the > relationship ever happened?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The female partners do not recover quickly, nor do they forget about the } relationship. } } It is simply that men are too dense to notice that the females are } upset. } } Men show their suffering by doing the following: } } moping around in old clothes with the guys and bitching about their ex } drinking a lot with the guys and bitching about their ex watching } football and bitching about their ex } } Women show their suffering by doing the following: } } crying a lot } eating a lot } going to support groups } } The men don't understand any of what the women do, so they think nothing } of it. } } The Oracle requires you to take an anti-sexism awareness class.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Many years ago, a farmer had a bull.  He lost it.  Do you know where it > is? > > Let's settle the question taht's been on people's minds for a LONg time. > What is the connection between Dan Quayle and the quail bird.  My cousin > says there is clear proof of kinship.  Pray clarify.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Sir: } }         This is the Oracle's personal secretary.  We regret to inform } you, that the Oracle cannot answer your questions at the moment, due to } the fact that it is currently screaming in anguish, because yet another } stupid reader has attempted to sneak in more than one question per } mailing.  The Oracle will most likely be unable to answer questions for } the rest of the day.  This means that the back up of questions the } Oracle must answer will get higher, thus depriving more people of the } great wisdom of the Oracle.  Not only that, but the hold up in } processing of questions is going to cost the company, Oracle Inc., many } millions of dollars in lost funds, due to the delays in handling the } questioning requests. } }         Please find enclosed a bill for the sum total of $1,345,678.92, } which is what the effective cost of your little maneuver has been } calculated to be.  Payment is due yesterday, and failure to remit } payment by the payment deadline, shall result in a law suit of epic } proportions, one which I feel, you are not prepared to handle.  Thank } you for your consideration, and I hope we can settle this little matter } on our own. } }                                                 Sincerely Yours, } }                                                 Erma J.  Hornswiggle.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why do people even in the state of Indiana, the state that put Dan > Quayle in the Senate, suddenly distrust him so much in the position of > Vice President?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Oracle does not ordinarilly stoop to answer political questions.  In } the case of Dan Quayle questions, the Oracle must not only stoop, but } burrow into the ground several stories and descend through a veritable } mire. } } [blech -- there's a lot of mud here.  Yuk!] } } Okay, now that the Oracle has sullied its most Wise and Infallible self } by tramping through the swamp of politics, your question can be } answered. } } Nations always receive the leaders they deserve, especially when they } pretend to elect them by popular assent.  Indiana needed to be reminded } of the dangers of electing fools to positions of power, and so they } elected Dan Quayle their Senator.  When Senator Quayle's antics proved } to be insufficient to remind the Hoosiers of the dangers of complacency } in the electoral process, Quayle became elevated to the Vice Presidency. } Only the spector of this lamebrain being a heartbeat away from the } world's most powerful job could awake Indiana's sleeping electorate from } their self-induced trance.  When they (and the rest of the country) } notice what they have wrought, Dan Quayle will be kidnapped by the } Columbian drug cartel and the nation will tell them to hang onto him for } awhile. } } You owe the Oracle a bath and a new white robe.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why do I always get a hard-on when watching Bugs Bunny cartoons?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is a little known fact that Bugs Bunny cartoons are filled with deep } psycho-sexual imagery.  The Road Runner is always going into deep dark } tunnels where the Coyote can not follow.  Bugs Bunny is always being } hunted with long, black, hard guns.  I could go on endlessly. } } You owe the Oracle a cold shower.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why do I keep saying everything twice?  And why do I keep saying > everything twice?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Because Doublemint gum IS pure chewing satisfaction.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Could you give me the number PI with an accuracy of 10000 digits ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ho, humm...  such a menial and boring task you ask of me, since I know } it to an infinite number of digits.  Here is your request, mortal.  NO, } THIS IS NOT MERELY A SET OF RANDOM NUMBERS, and how dare you challenge } my awesome power with even the slightest thought of doubt in your mind! } Let there be a bolt of lightning! } }                       /     / }                      /     / }                      ~~    ~~ }                       /     / }                      /     / }                      ~~    ~~ }                       /   / }                      /   / }                      ~~  ~~ }                       / / }                      // }                     / }                    * } ================================================== } } The oracle has spoken, and sends you your request.  Now leave me alone, } or send a more interesting question.  Such fabulous intelligence as mine } should not be annoyed by such petty, annoying requests.  I am tempted to } taunt you a la Monty Python, peasant!  Not even the Supreme Being } matches my brainpow-- } } >> Message from GOD on console... } } >> Just what do you think you're doing? } } Sorry, sir, I got carried away. } } >> Let it not happen again. } } Right. } } I have been subdued for now, but beware.  I am commanded to give you the } data you requested, so here it is. } } You owe the oracle your first sports car. } } 3.14159265358979323846264338 ...  [all 10000 digits included, no } kidding, edited out for posting -- SK] ...  60010165525637568 } } So there.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Great Oracle, you must help keyboard. > > Why is it that every sentence I start ends with a word totally unrelated > to the rest of the cucumber?  It happens everywhere I window.  It's > starting to drive me Jupiter.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, the Oracle must respond, even though the dog is restart.  You see, } one day, you were sitting at shoe, working on groundhog, and your mother } slipped on banana, falling into the abyss.  This had a permanent effect } on your young physche, causing you to wet-your-bed-at } -all-times-even-awake-and-shirt.  You see, radish, it can be summarized } as follows: } Yes, said the elephant to the orange, The day *is* darker with the sun. } }   Basically, you are freshed. } } You owe the Oracle whatever the hell you were seeing, as I can't hear } you.