} Funny you should mention it! I met Lisa at the International
} Date Line. The IDL is the Mensa of dating services. As the name
} indicates, it _is_ international, and you won't even get past the
} receptionist if you don't speak at least three romance languages.
} The way it works is, you dial 011-991-976-5555, and you get
} connected to the receptionist, who will administer a test to see if
} you're eligible to join. If you pass the test, you'll receive another
} number to call, where you'll be able to talk to nine other lucky
} members, and arrange dates with your ideal dreamboat.
} As for your chances, well... you *are* a computer geek, so
} you're not very likely to be able to get in. As I said, this is a very
} exclusive club. Just to give you an idea, here are some of the
} questions on the entrance exam:
} - How many fully-functional sets of genitalia do you own?
} - Do members of the opposite sex faint upon crossing you in the
} - Does your personal magnetism disrupt radio stations?
} - ... In Asia?
} - Est-ce que vous parlez au moins trois langages romantiques?
} - Can you sweet-talk a member of the opposite sex?
} - ... in French?
} - ... in German?
} - ... in Turkish?
} - Can you give a quantum-level description of the themes of
} Harold Pinter's major plays?
} - Are you a member of a pantheon? If so, which?
} ( ) Norse
} ( ) Roman
} ( ) Greek
} ( ) Cthulhu-mythos (automatic rejection)
} ( ) Other (please specify)
} - Does a muumuu look alluring on you?
} - Can you satisfy Lisa?
} - ... twice in a row?
} That last question, of course, is the killer, usually.
} Nonetheless, you should give it a try. If you succeed, welcome to the
} club, and Lisa and I will be talking to you again. If not, then it'll
} at least give us a few laughs.
} You owe the Oracle a centerfold of Aphrodite.