} Well, well, well, if it isn't the old how-does-Santa-deliver-all-of-
} those-toys-in-such-a-short-amount-of-time question. Every year, regular
} as clockwork, this little gem lands in my in-tray. *You* might get your
} kicks drooling over the gaily wrapped presents under the Christmas
} tree, picking them up and shaking them and trying to figure out what's
} in them. Not me! I await the old how-does-Santa-deliver-all-of-those-
} toys-in-such-a-short-amount-of-time question with barely restrained,
} gleeful anticipation.
} Or, to paraphrase the immortal Bard, a woodchuck question by any other
} name is still a pain in the butt.
} Well, what shall I tell 'em this time? The one about time dilation
} caused by faster-than-the-speed-of-light reindeer? Or how every time
} you walk down the high street at this time of year you notice at least
} two dozen Santas, which most people might take as a clue that there is
} more than one of the beggars to share the load around? How about, sorry
} kid, there ain't no Santa Claus, it was your parents all the time, you
} gullible little twonk?
} Nah... Part of my ineffable charm is how I never repeat myself, not
} even after three helpings of cauliflower cheese. So what'll it be this
} time? How about this: Santa's magic, you see, and he puts us all to
} sleep for a whole year while he does the rounds. So when you wake up,
} it's still Christmas day, only a year later and nobody ever notices.
} Sorry, that was really pathetic, I know. Only a complete idiot would
} believe a story like that. I'm not myself today. I got rather tanked up
} at the end-of-semester party Friday night and Marilyn Gillette -- do
} you know Marilyn? She's the head of the university's computing
} department -- well, anyway, she suggested --
} What am I saying? Hey, I never told you any of this, right! One word to
} Lisa and you're getting ZOTted with extreme prejudice, you hear me?
} Getting back to your question. Well, Santa's magic, you see, and he
} puts us all to sleep for a whole year while he does the rounds. So when
} you wake up, it's still Christmas day, only a year later and nobody
} ever notices.
} You owe the Oracle an original question involving running noses and
} smelling feet.