} I understand your fears, Mr. Stone. Here, as a public service and as a
} warning, is the progression of your career between now and your forced
} * "The Chairman" -- Your unauthorized biography of Lee Iacocca is
} highly controversial and highly successful. Alec Guinness turns in the
} best performance of his career as Iacocca. Chrysler's board of
} directors sues you over a scene in which you depict them defeating by
} only one vote a proposal to install really fragile brake cables so that
} people will have to buy new cars more often, but the media coverage of
} the court battle spikes ticket sales up another twenty percent, which
} well offsets the judgment against you. The film wins Best Picture, Best
} Director, Best Actor, Best Screenplay, Best Cinematography, and Best
} Best Boy. In a televised interview on "Entertainment Tonight," you
} mention that since you started work on a non-CIA bashing film, the CIA
} agents have stopped shadowing you, bugging your phones, and beaming
} microwaves into your brain.
} * "Weekend Warrior" -- Your historical account of the Grenada invasion
} wins mixed reviews. Charlton Heston is Ronald Reagan and Joan Collins
} plays the First Lady In Red as a sharp-tongued harridan. Your choice to
} use videotape to create eerily realistic reconstructions of planning
} meetings and battle scenes convinces thousands of people that the CIA
} actually planned both the coup in Grenada and the subsequent U.S.
} invasion. Hundreds of Grenadans picket the CIA's offices and are
} tear-gassed live on the evening news, while you videotape the whole
} event for inclusion in a future movie. "Weekend Warriors" is nominated
} for Best Picture and Best Director and fails to win either one,
} although it does pick up an Oscar for "Best Title Sequences" due to
} your choice to write the credits in blood on a Grenada beach.
} * "Prince of Peace" -- Brad Pitt is Jesus, Sharon Stone plays Mary
} Magdalene, and Anthony Hopkins wins his twelth Oscar for portraying
} Pontius Pilate as a vengeful defrocked ex-Pharisee. Audiences across
} the country shout their disbelief at the screen as you unfold your
} theory that the CIA orchestrated the trial, arrest and execution of
} Christ, along with your belief that he was killed not by crucifixion,
} but by a slingshot-wielding assailant on the sandy knoll. Nuns picket
} the premiere. The Pope calls you a buffoon in English, Latin, and
} * "Helter-Skelter" -- Your choice to cast Jim Carey as Charles Manson
} is a bad move. The film goes straight to video stores, where it dies a
} quiet death as the rumor spreads among patrons that if they rent the
} film, tape something over it and never bring it back, the video store
} won't care.
} * "Screaming Buick" -- Your four hour extravaganza about the CIA's role
} in causing President Bush to vomit all over the Prime Minister of Japan
} is stopped in pre-production by studio heads, and you are transported
} to a remote resort where you are prescribed heavy psychedelics, and
} live out your life gnawing at your straitjacket straps and telling the
} nurses about the bugging devices in their blouses.
} You owe the Oracle a director's cut of your private film which proves
} that all the Bond films are secretly a PR project for the CIA.